... because even if you stay out late and guzzle questionable quantities of tequila, procreation does mess you up The Problem with Single Parenting ­ A three-part series What kind of mother stuffs her face with Death by Chocolate while her hungry, angelic kindergartener watches on?
IF I COULD pick two questions that no one would ever be allowed to ask me again, they would be ­ What's Up and What's New. I mean, I'm a stay-at-home mom of a hyperactive five year old and I write between interruptions and things flying over my head ­ what do you think is up (the decapitated doll or a precious gadget)? As for the What's New question (both questions, actually) ­ I find that it's the single people who keep asking me that. I ask them what could have possibly changed in a couple of days or a week ­ since we spoke ­ and they go `Oh well, you'd have to be single and out on the town to know' or some such thing. I defensively retort `But I am single' and they go `Right, but you're not single single.' Oh.
Just when I thought getting left out of the cool circles ended with high school. What am I supposed to do now? Join the flashmobbers? It seems to be all the rage these days.
Maybe I should get out there (some place where the paparazzi is) and randomly dance (solo) till the cops drive me out with a lathi. I'd b popular in no time. Also, people would fanatically circulate my Youtube clip adding such things as `Crazzzzyyyy chick' and `Heheheeeeee' and I'd be sorted.
And like everybody else on Facebook, I'd finally be able to add `Living life to the fullest' on my bio.
That should teach the single single people for not granting me admission into their seemingly exclusive club.
Turns out, I'm wrong. That's not what they're saying at all. What they mean is ­ You can hang out with us but you have to forget all parental responsibilities while so doing or it could get in the way of all the fun. I get it ­ parents (well, mothers mostly) as a group, have earned notoriety for being obsessive-compulsive worriers who can't enjoy even the extremely rare night-out with friends without making panic calls home to check on what the children are eating, if they've been tucked in bed and even sneaking in an I-miss-you call or two when no one's looking. I know, it can be a bit much.
I make it a point not to do it when I'm out with friends ­ after all, my parents do a splendid job with the offspring so it's not like I'm abandoning her with the babysitter from hell. So I even manage to have a great time staying out late, guzzling questionable quantities of tequila ­ all the while taking care not to bring up the child, home or parenting in conversation. And suddenly ­ when it's respectably late (a bit after one in the night) ­ it feels like I've even convinced them, you know? I've stayed out late without doing the annoying mom thing. It's a special moment for me because I'm now about to be anointed single single.
And just as I begin hearing the coronation music in my head, someone decides it would be a good idea to have dessert. One look at that piece of Death by Chocolate and the music (in my head) comes to an abrupt halt. I have a vision of the five-year-old hungry for chocolate cake. And as all people in visions, she's dressed like an angel and standing on a cloud. I immediately feel a tangible pang of guilt ­ what kind of mother stuffs her face with Death by Chocolate while her hungry, angelic kindergartener watches on? Oh, I'm no mom. I'm more like the evil step-mother.
It's only a piece of chocolate cake and there's nothing rational about how I'm feeling but procreation (and The Brothers Grimm) does mess you up ­ it's like you're no longer allowed to enjoy chocolate, animated movies, dipping your feet in a pool or toratora rides unless you are accompanied by the child in question. Sigh. I can't keep up ­ being a parent and being single single are both full time occupations ­ it seems. I give up ­ I'm done living two separate lives. What I need is The One ­ except, I have no idea how to find him given that I'm mostly stuck indoors. Maybe the next time some single type calls and asks me `What's uuuuuup' and `What's new', I'll just put on my scary spinster voice and say `I'm looking for The One'.
That should shut him up.
Judy Balan is the best-selling author of Two Fates --The Story Of My Divorce

 

1. Lure him into the kitchen with interesting promises and make him watch all the food shows that show men cooking. He is bound to get inspired and start cooking.
2. Tell him your friends say that couples cooking together is a great bonding exercise (it really is). That should get him into the kitchen. Make it fun for him by looking for recipes that he likes.
3. Get him into the ‘masculine’ spirit of things, with recipes that have beer, vodka, brandy and wine as ingredients. And gift him cookbooks written by men.
4. Whatever you do, don’t criticise his food. Shower him with so many compliments, he wouldn’t have a reason to stop trying. Drop hints later on about how he could improve.
5. Turn the kitchen into his den. Have things that he loves around him – the iPod with his favourite music and a mini bar.
6. Select recipes that take minimal time. He won’t be able to excuse himself saying that they are complicated.
7. Make sure you praise him in front of everyone. Especially in front of his mother. It will get tough for him to back out then.
8. If nothing else gets him into the mood, do what British chef Jamie Oliver suggests: withhold sex until he starts cooking.

...And done what women did before, that is, ventured into the kitchen to cook and serve food `I realised my wife wasn't interested in learning newer cuisines, so I started cooking'

A FEW WEEKS ago, on a nippy winter night at a friend's place, around 10 of my buddies and I were indulging in the happy mix of great alcohol, good appetisers and enjoyable conversation that is a staple of fun weekends ­ when the tenor of the evening abruptly changed. The host brought out the star of the party ­ a pahari mutton dish he had cooked himself ­ and a few minutes later, I noticed two very different reactions to the food. While the women all served themselves and moved back to resume their interrupted conversations, the men stood around congratulating the cook, trying to dig into the dish to guess the ingredients, suggesting modifications and requesting for the recipe. And I thought to myself, what's happening here? When did men start to love to cook? And when did women lose interest?

THE INCREASING TRIBE 
Look around you. Chances are, you'll find this happens more often than you think. While men from previous generations prided themselves for not being able to even boil water, today their urban counterparts are not just turning on the gas, but cutting, dicing and slicing their way to culinary heaven ­ from making quick staples for dinner to elaborate meals, to exotic dishes from the last foreign country they visited. Vicky Ratnani, head chef of fine dining restaurant Aurus in Mumbai, who also hosts Gourmet Central on NDTV Good Times, agrees. “At a recent cooking workshop that I hosted, nine out of 25 participants were men ­ guys who had busy lives and high-pressure careers ­ but were taking time off to learn the skill,“ reveals Ratnani. And what about the women?
Well, most seem to enjoy spending time away from the kitchen. Quite a few of them, especially between the ages of 20 to 30, don't know how to cook at all. And even if they do, chances are that they have too much on their plates and hence little or no desire to slave away in the kitchen. “Given a choice, I would not cook, I'd rather use my time to manage the house well, juggle the demands of my career, look after the overall needs of my husband and maintain a social life,“ says Indra Desai, a 35year-old corporate lawyer.
Most urban career-minded women are increasingly delegating daily cooking chores to the domestic help. And most of their partners are okay with the arrangement.
Abhishek Singh, a 20-something business consultant, loves trying out new recipes. He picked up the nuances of cooking while in college when he stayed as a paying guest. Now married, he has no issues with the fact that his wife doesn't know how to cook. Says Singh, “She will learn. Cooking together will be a great bonding exercise.“
This is a departure from the days when prospective grooms could never imagine a homemaker who didn't know how to rustle up a delicious, hot meal.
So now, the old proverb `the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' should actually read: the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach.
The tables have turned, and how.

WOMEN DESERT THE KITCHEN
When it comes to cooking, chances are your family fits into one of these three categories: 1. The woman is still the only one who is cooking.
2. The woman knows how to cook but doesn't; the domestic help does.
3. The woman, the domestic help and the man cook in turns.
Now, a new category appears to have emerged: The woman cannot/does not want to cook, but the man does, often with the domestic help as a back-up.
The reasons for this change are a shift in attitudes. As we all know by now, women are now working long hours in offices. They have a space beyond the kitchen to feel `acknowledged.' According to lifestyle management expert Rachna K Singh, chauvinism is giving way to sensitivity. “Our society is evolving and that means an equal division of chores



Men who cook are hot.
Any man in sync with his feminine side is attractive, like a man with a baby
between the genders, one of which is cooking. This happened in the West a long time ago,“ explains Singh. We are living in the age of cooking democracy, she adds. “Some women were never taught to cook by their mothers ­ no family recipes handed down ­ so they don't know where to begin. Others don't trust their cooking abilities enough to feed their spouse, and some others want their men to cook for them.“
And why is it that women are not enjoying the process of cooking as much as before? To begin with, did they really enjoy it? “Ask your mothers. A lot of them wouldn't really have enjoyed cooking but were forced to. Now that women have all the freedom, they'll cook only if required,“ says Dr Syed Mubin Zehra, social analyst and author of Sexual and Gender Representations In Mughal India.

THE MEN ARE LOVING IT 
 The men who like to cook also love talking about it, says Sunil Tickoo, CEO, WG Hospitality, (who was helpful for our shoot at Q'BA Restaurant and Bar in Delhi as always), who loves putting together burgers and other dishes for his children.
Back in office, a usually aloof colleague unleashes a long monologue about his fascination with baking, which began at the age of 14 by watching his aunt churn out brownies by the kilo.
Now, he gets up at the crack of dawn to bake if he has someone coming over, and has specific knives, pans and other cooking equipment that no one, except him, is allowed to use.
Model Aman Singh goes a step further saying he is a kitchen Nazi who has to be in control.
So yes, men can not only boil water now; they can do much more!

IT TAKES all kinds of men to make their maiden forays into virgin territory: the kitchen.
Here's how to recognise one species from the other:

THOSE WHO LOVE TO COOK. PERIOD
Like model-turned actor and now TV host (Chakh Le India) Aditya Bal who got into the kitchen and began to cook out of boredom and frustration (his film career wasn't taking off). Bal cooks every day.
Though he admits it can get monotonous, experimentation keeps him going. He can easily cook for 25 to 30 people (maybe with just one helper) and has had 80 people over for an `only biryani' meal.

THOSE WHO PLAN IN ADVANCE AND EXECUTE
Unlike a majority of women, for whom making food is a chore that needs to be done in the minimum possible time, for these men it is all about the fanfare and planning.
“After carefully drafting out a menu, I start getting the ingredients from the vendor. A day before, I keep most basic things ready so that on the night of the party, I just have to throw everything in,“ says Bal. He doesn't go by the book and aims to keep getting better at the art of cooking.

THOSE WHO COOK TO IMPRESS THEIR WOMEN
Men who cook are hot. Nobody's contesting that. A man who cooks for you on a date has already won you over halfway through. That's why even in Bollywood movies, a lot of male characters now don aprons and are seen cooking vigorously to hook the ladies. Hrithik Roshan did it for Katrina Kaif in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, and Imran Khan served a plateful to Deepika Padukone in Break Ke Baad. And that's how actor and now TV host Aly Khan (who hosts Foodistan on NDTV Good Times) started to cook.
“I was in England for my studies and my mother would get masalas when she would visit. I used the ingredients to make food to impress women. They would often flip. Food is a sensory thing. And it is very romantic ­ laying the table, putting together a dish and then tasting it together. Also, the first bite (exploring the flavours) is like having an orgasm.“ Khan's love of cooking has continued. Whenever he's in India, he whips up special rice or gosht and loves to contrast textures.
What is it that makes a man who cooks so attractive? Any man in sync with his feminine side is attractive, like a man with a baby, explains Rachna K Singh. “A man who cooks seems like someone who is sensitive and compassionate. He has evolved.“
Advertising professional Rita Jha, 28, agrees. “Men can fix a car and build a campfire. Shouldn't they know how to feed you without ordering in food? That says a lot about their life skills. We think `this guy is going to ease our burden when we are together'.“
Also, most women find the idea of a man understanding spices, playing with them, and then finally sampling the mix (yes, the same way Aaron Eckhart dips his finger and tastes food straight from the pan in the movie No Reservations) sensual.
“He seems like he'll be good in bed.
Most times, it is true,“ winks Jha. Is he a glutton or a gourmet?
For many men, cooking is therapeutic and is done when they have spare time

THOSE WHO SAVOUR THE FLAVOUR AND CREATE IT
A lot of men learn cooking because of sheer necessity. They live away from home on their own and start cooking for practical reasons.
Consultant Abhishek Singh, for instance, began to cook when his sister and he were staying away from their parents. “I wanted to have good food. Eating out costs money. So I started to learn Continental and Chinese (that I love). I started to mix and match flavours and seasonings and come up with newer dishes. As a result, my cooking has become spontaneous and experimental“.
Unlike Singh, other men begin wielding knife and skillet because they feel they can beat their female partners at their own game.
Engineer Ajay Malhotra, 34, for instance, began to cook, when he got bored of the staple dal-chawal and the `special' butter chicken his wife fed him. “My wife also works and I realised she isn't that interested in experimenting or learning newer cuisines, so I started cooking and realised I was good at it.“

THOSE WHO COOK ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS 
 Some men only like cooking for parties. Or Sunday breakfast.
Others cook fancy stuff ­ meat or crab or whatever's the flavour of the season. Cooking is therapeutic and is done when they have spare time.
With beer in hand, friends or family for company, and a special occasion to celebrate.
Chef Vicky Ratnani says, “Lots of my friends are holiday cooks. They end up taking one to two day workshops on local cuisine when they are abroad.“ Actor Aly Khan, too, has a lot of holiday cooks as friends.
“When we meet in London or Dubai, we hang out in the kitchen and bond over cooking,“ he says.
Disclaimer: If the article seems a little skewed, it could be because the writer is a woman who doesn't want to ever cook.

WHY DO MEN LOVE COOKING?

• Cooking has become a `hobby' for most men. Because they do not have to cook, they choose to cook.
• Men find it relaxing and gentle.
• A kitchen is not a place they are expected to be in and hence it becomes their comfort zone. There are no expectations and they are not being judged (women/wives are only too happy to see them in the kitchen).
• It may sound clichéd but men need results. Cooking is productive. Someone eventually ends up eating and that is satisfying.
• Cooking is all-involving. It invokes all the senses of a person.
• The person cooking has total control. To see something from inception to conclusion is more satisfying than a lot of work in office. It is also creative. Men can steer things their way and that's why they want to chop, cook and garnish everything themselves. A lot of them don't like the wife to interfere too much.
• Cooking has immediate benefits: All the men interviewed for the story said that the part they loved most about the process was when people enjoyed eating the food they had cooked. There is nothing more satisfying than that.
• With male chefs on TV channels, cooking has become macho.
• Men love to experiment and they can be adventurous in the kitchen.

Not many cook by the book.

To get some action. Celeb cooking confessions V J-ACTOR Gaurav Kapoor and composer-guitarist Ehsaan Noorani are from the `I love to be in the kitchen' tribe. Gaurav says he's a `spatula wielding jedi' in the kitchen. And Ehsaan `makes the meanest porridge and lays the most impeccable table.' They got chatting at Thai and Chinese restaurant Dragonfly and Vong Wong, Mumbai.

When did you start to cook?
Gaurav: I started pottering around in the kitchen as soon I could reach up to the gas stove.
Ehsaan: If making tea counts, then in America as a student! Later I managed instant noodles and the odd edible omelette.
Your first kitchen memory...
Gaurav: Put water on boil to check evaporation and went out to play.
Mum went in after an hour and began to shriek.
Ehsaan: I used to help my aunt Parvana wash dishes. She said the woman in my life will thank her.
You favourite part about cooking?
Gaurav: The confluence of flavours and ingredients.
Ehsaan: That the most basic ingredients in the right combination can create such complex and incredible dishes as well as huge disasters! Exactly like making music.
Your favourite cooking instrument?
Gaurav: A sharp knife. Also works well if people don't like your food. Ehsaan: I'd have to say the ladle.
Cooking is...
Gaurav: Peaceful.
Ehsaan: Cathartic.
The most and least time you've taken?
Gaurav: 90 minutes for a chicken recipe my mum gave me.
Ehsaan: I take ages to make tea. But I cook porridge quickly and am fast at pouring milk into cornflakes.
Do you dominate in the kitchen?
Gaurav: I'm like Genghis Khan, my knife is my sword.
Ehsaan: I'm just glad I'm not burning and breaking things! Does a man cooking attract women?
Gaurav: Sure does (winks).
Ehsaan: My cooking hasn't attracted any woman! Even if it did, the moment she probably tasted the dish, that attraction vanished! What if your woman can't cook?
Gaurav: It's absolutely fine.
Ehsaan: Doesn't make her less attractive.
Would you rather be in the bedroom or the kitchen...
Gaurav: Anywhere, as long as it's steaming.
Ehsaan: Multi-tasking.
A word on vegetarian cooking.
Gaurav: I was dating a beautiful girl, who was also a chef and a vegetarian. It was heaven on a plate.
Ehsaan: It's tough. There's a fine line between raw and cooked vegetables though mine are always raw.

Aaradhya Amitabh Bachchan Grand-daughter photos