Monday, December 31, 2012

A new study says that for a woman, not getting along with your mother-in-law is good for your marriage. Experts disagree...

The in-law factor
A new study says that for a woman, not getting along with your mother-in-law is good for your marriage. Experts disagree...
Since time immemorial it has been said that a close relationship with your husband’s mother is the key to a happy marriage. But recently a new school of thought has suggested that this bonding may actually be unhealthy for wedded bliss. Dr Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research studied 373 same-race couples over 26 years to come up with the findings which included that women who enjoy a positive relationship with their in-laws actually have a 20 per cent greater chance of separating.
Clinical psychologist Seema Hingoranny vehemently disagrees, saying that this concept may work in the West, where children move out of home at an early age and live independent lives. “In the Indian context, it is crucial to have a good relationship with your in-laws as most Indian men are attached to their families,” she says. A man respects and appreciates his wife more when she does that extra bit to take good care of his parents, she adds.
The study also says that marriages in which husbands have a close relationship with in-laws are 20 per cent less likely to end in divorce, as these family ties connect him to his wife. Seema agrees saying that it is a good sign when the husband makes an effort to care for his wife’s parents. This, she also says, is uncommon in India as most men are not conditioned to care beyond necessary for their in-laws, but still expect their wives to go all out for his parents. “Both husband and wife are attached to their respective set of parents, but not many men think about it. When they do realise this fact, it works very well as wives also reciprocate with more care and love for their in-laws,” she explains.
While having good chemistry is key, Seema also emphasises the importance of knowing where to draw the line with in-laws. “Most girls know where boundaries are and how to make them clear without upsetting the balance. Many working women leave their children with their in-laws during office hours and when they want an evening out with their spouse. Therefore, in India, good in-law relations can never be done away with,” she concludes.

12 resolutions for your relationship

12 resolutions for your relationship

There are things we like and some we dislike about our relationships. Here are 12 ways to weave the magic back into your life in the New Year

1Time to be merry!: Party hard, reflect on the past year and improve your relationship with your partner.

2Make your relationship a priority: We lead busy and hectic lifestyles, but that’s not an excuse to snap at the person we love the most.

3Tech-free zones: Too much of beeping smart phones and in-your-face social media notifications! Detach and focus on love. Create tech-free zones to spend quality time with each other.

4 Buy random gifts: Who said only special days should be celebrated? Play the surprise game and get small gifts to beat the drum of affection.

5 Delete ugly ‘other people’ conversations: Why should your spouse listen to unpleasant things about those around you. Control your emotional outbursts.

6 Cook for each other: Our affair with food is unending — prepare your lover’s favourite dish with gusto. Then even if the outcome is not delectable, the effort will gain you brownie points.

7 Praise each other : Expression is a very strong ingredient in the recipe of love. Complimenting each other is a sure ticket to bliss. Try it!

8 Time out : Stop being the moral police and take time off to bask in the absence of your love. Rumi got inspired by the absence of his lover, you may too!

9 Flaunt the togetherness: Holding hands while crossing the road or offering the first bite of ice cream says a lot about your attitude towards your relationship.

10 Have more sex: Quit complaining or finding excuses, do what both of you really enjoy.

11 Disagree but don’t disrespect : All couples fight. But avoiding each other’s calls or bitching about it to your friends is no good.

12 Bad habit, Bye! : Break a bad habit together. Deal with smoking or the urge to binge by setting targets and working constructively towards them.




I would like to sterilise the cats in my area. Do you have any advice?

Queries raised by animal lovers


I would like to sterilise the cats in my area. Do you have any advice?
When possible, trap in dry, temperate weather. Do not feed the cats for 36 hours before trapping, as they must be hungry in order to enter the trap. If you are trapping in an area where pet cats are roaming, please inform your neighbours. Fish work well as bait. Place the food inside the trap, behind the trip plate, so the cat is sure to step on it when eating. Transport the trapped cat to your veterinarian for spaying or neutering immediately upon capture. To reduce anxiety, place a sheet or towel over the trap so that the cat feels secure. Ask that the cat be ear-tipped — have the tip of one ear snipped during surgery — to help future rescuers identify them. This is a painless and risk-free procedure. Warning: very few veterinarians know how to do cat surgery so find out before catching the cats because too many cats die after the operation.

There are cats in my neighbourhood that meow at night. My neighbours are thinking of poisoning them or getting the municipality to take them away. Is this legal and will this work in clearing the area of cats?
The deliberate destruction of a feral cat colony, by whatever method, always leads to the ‘vacuum effect’ — either new cats flock to the vacated area to exploit whatever food source attracted the original inhabitants, or survivors breed and their descendants are more cautious. It is only a temporary fix that sacrifices animals’ lives unnecessarily without any positive or beneficial return. It will also lead to a huge increase in local rats. It is illegal to kill cats under the Prevention of Cruelty to Animal Act 1960. The municipality cannot do it either.
Don’t feral cats kill birds?
While some feral cats do kill birds, they prefer to kill rodents. Decline of natural habitat and the use of pesticides, have a greater negative impact on bird populations.

What can I do if I suspect that a wildlife crime is taking place?
Wildlife crime can take many forms. From keeping Indian birds, turtles, monkeys, peacocks, to buying or selling ivory, trading illegally in plants or animals, collecting birds’ eggs, or setting out poisoned baits for wildlife. Contact the police and if possible speak to a wildlife officer. Once those are made across the country, things will be easier — otherwise the problem is that the police do not know the laws and the forest/wildlife officers do not want to follow them.

What is wry neck in rabbits?
Wry neck is caused by a bacterium that gains access to the middle inner ear of rabbits. The bacterium causes fluid or pus to accumulate in the ear and causes the rabbit to twist or ‘wry’ its neck. This needs veterinary diagnosis and treatment.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Alcoholics Anonymous

An Employer’s Oversight
Because of the employee’s special ability, or of his own strong personal attachment to him, the employer has sometimes kept an alcoholic at work long beyond a reasonable period.
An officer of one of the largest banking institutions in America knows I no longer drink. One day he told me about an executive of the same bank who, from his description, was undoubtedly alcoholic. This seemed to me like an opportunity to be helpful, so, I spent two hours talking about alcoholism, the malady, and described the symptoms and results as well as I could. His comment was, “Very interesting. But I’m sure this man is done drinking. He has just returned from a three months leave of absence, has taken a cure, looks fine, and to clinch the matter, the board of directors told him this was his last chance.”
The only answer I could make was that if the man followed the usual pattern, he would go on a bigger bust than ever. I felt this was inevitable and wondered if the bank was doing the man an injustice. Why not bring him into contact with some of our alcoholic crowd? He might have a chance. I pointed out that I had nothing to drink whatever for three years, and this in the face of difficulties that would have made nine out of ten men drink their heads off. Why not at least afford him an opportunity to hear my story? “Oh no,” said my friend, “this chap is either through with liquor, or he is minus a job. If he has your will power and guts, he will make the grade.”
I wanted to throw up my hands in discouragement, for I saw that I had failed to help my banker friend understand. He simply could not believe that his brother-executive suffered from a serious illness. There was nothing to do but wait.
Presently the man did slip and was fired. Following his discharge, we contacted him. Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. He is undoubtedly on the road to recovery. To me, this incident illustrates lack of understanding as to what really ails the alcoholic, and lack of knowledge as to what part employers might profitably take in salvaging their sick employees.
Reprinted from the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, page #136-137, with permission of AA World Services, Inc.
Call 09022 771011 or email gsoindia@gmail.com for more information or to get a free copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous text

Monday, December 24, 2012

Sowing the seeds of joy

Sowing the seeds of joy
Christmas is incomplete without a Christmas tree. People buy an artificial tree from the market to decorate their house. Short or tall, the tree can be stunning if it is decorated well. Several Catholics use the same tree every year.
Nerul resident, Asha Rebello brought the tree from Dubai this year. “I visited Dubai on a holiday. I also brought the decorative items from there. These items included small drums, Santa images, hollys and stars,” Rebello said.
Nerul resident, Arantxa Veigas, a class X student of St Xavier’s School, says that she is excited about decking up her Christmas tree.
“My mother helps me decorate our tree. It is five-feet-tall. It is an artificial tree. We decorate our tree with items like hollys, gold balls, silver balls, stars, beads, wooden toys and angel figurines.”
Lilian, Arantxa’s mother, says, “We keep the Christmas tree in a corner which is well lit so that the tree looks dazzling.”
Everyone wants their tree to stand out. Silver and gold beads are the most preferred decorative items. Christmas trees are usually capped with a star. One can easily find the boxes of the decorative items in the market. Paulson Kunnath, Kalamboli resident , a parishioner of St Sebastian’s church, says, “Carol singing was organised in the church. At home, we have placed a tree. My teenage daughter, Preeja, decorates the Christmas tree and my wife helps her. All members of the family suggest the ways in which the tree can be decorated.” Dr Kurien Thomas, Sanpada resident, says his family has already decorated the Christmas tree. “The whole family — my wife and two daughters — decorated the tree together. The tree is old, but all the decorative items used are new.”

Residents hit the dance floor at Christmas Ball

Residents hit the dance floor at Christmas Ball
Residents are participating with gusto in the Christmas Balls that are being organised in the city.
The Celebrations Hotel hosted a ball on December 22 for the Vashi residents. Several Bollywood numbers were played.
“An entry fee was charged. Cocktails and food were also served,” Stephen Lobo, a resident of Vashi, said.
Dancing Passions, a dance academy, hosted a ball ‘Latino Nite’ on Friday at the Belapur-based Rockville Bar and Dinner. The ball began at 8pm and continued till midnight.
“Latin music was played. Residents showed their dancing skills as they performed Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Samba, Cha Cha, Jive, Rock-and-Roll and other dance forms. As we did not charge an entry fee, several people had turned up. Christmas is a festival of dance and music. Balls are essential part of the festivities,” Sidney Dsouza, lead instructor at the Dancing Passions, said. Step-Up Dance Academy in Kharghar is also organising a Christmas Ball at Remarez Hall in Khanda Colony. The academy is hosting this ball for its students and their families. Musicians will perform live at the ball. “The ball will feature songs like Maria Pitache, Ya Ya Maya Yo, and fast-paced numbers for salsa and jive. Only couple entry will be allowed. Dinner will also be served to the guests,” Sharad Kumbhar, owner and founder of Step-Up, said.
Nigel and Sunita Verdez, residents of Sanpada, will be dancing at a pre-Christmas Ball in an Airoli hotel.
“This is the first time we will be going to a ball in the city. Earlier, the city had no Christmas Balls; there used to be parties hosted by hotels. However, this year, fifteen families have come together to organise a ball on December 23. The couples who married this year will be showered with confetti, before the dancing begins. Two couples will be performing jive. We have chosen a couple, who are celebrating their silver jubilee, to lead a march,” Sunita said.

Winning the in-laws Figured out how to keep your spouse happy? Here are top 10 ways to bond with your better half’s family...

Winning the in-laws
Figured out how to keep your spouse happy? Here are top 10 ways to bond with your better half’s family...

1 Take them shopping. There’s no better way to bond with your mom-in-law and even pop-in-law than to take them shopping. Spend a day in the mall, know what colour they like, what brands they prefer and you are set.

2 Remember their birthdays and their wedding anniversary. Visit them and take the family out for dinner and yes, don’t forget to get them a gift.

3 Ask them what kind of music they listen to, what books they read, who their favourite sportsman is, their favourite movie. Get to know their likes and dislikes and you might end up having great conversations.

4 They say you don’t just marry a person, you marry the whole family. So get to know the new family as well as you know yours. Know who is the ‘always complaining aunt’ and ‘everybody’s favourite uncle’.

5 Love their pets.

6 You aren’t just under the spotlight, you are also looked up to by the youngsters in the family. So ask them about their life, college, school, studies. Resolve their relationship problems, guide them with career choices. Let them know you can be their friend too.

7 Catch up with them on a breakfast date or take them out for lunch. Drop in to say hello. Call them and ask them how their doctor’s appointment went. These little things will be hugely appreciated.
8 Plan a picnic with them, go on a mini vacation. Spend a day out with them.

9 Get a membership at the same club as them, or join a weekly sports club. Anything that they like and you like too.

10 Get the whole family together and spend a weekend playing fun games, get a barbecue corner ready, watch movies.

Pet queries raised by animal lovers

Regular water changes are important for your fish’s health
...responds to queries raised by animal lovers across the city
We have a stray cow roaming in our colony with severe wounds which seem to be infected with maggots. What can I do about it?
Get a vet to the cow immediately as maggots can eat up the whole animal and it takes weeks to die while in great pain. However, maggots can be taken out very easily. You can find out whether you can take her to a local gaushala, but pay for her and visit her everyday as most gaushalas do not have a doctor and they really do not look after the cows in their care; they simply house them till they die. You should learn first aid yourself as many animals get maggots in the monsoon.

I changed the water in my aquarium and now three of my clown fishes have died. Did I do anything wrong?
Yes, it seems changing water is a very probable reason why your fish died; but not because water changes are bad per se. It’s how you do it that matters. Over time fish waste, uneaten food particles, dead leaves from plants, alter the chemistry of the water. Because the fish live in the water, and the changes happen slowly, they adjust to it. When a sudden, large water change occurs, it causes a drastic shift in the make up of the water and the fish often cannot tolerate it and they die. Those that do not die immediately are stressed and succumb to disease over the next few weeks or months. Regular water changes are important for the long-term health of your fish. A good practice is to change 10 to 15 per cent of the water each week. Make sure you ‘age’ the water and let it sit for a day before adding it to the tank. Clean the gravel while siphoning off old water to rid of debris. Don’t touch the filter. Time your filter cleaning so it occurs between water changing days.

I would like to attract pigeons to my house. What should I feed them so that they come?
Pigeons love grain, so a mixture of bajra, makka and jawar should be put along with fresh water. Keep rice, dahlia and fruits alongside. The more the variety in the birdfeed, the better the nutrition you’re providing.

I was told by a behaviour specialist not to play tug-of-war with my dog. Why?
Tug-of-war is a dominance game. If your dog should win, you just reinforced in your dog’s mind that he is in the leader position. It puts him in a dominance struggle state of mind. You want to get him out of thinking about being the leader. Winning means something different and it has long-term consequences. You should only play with your dog when you bring him the toy. You should be the one to end the game, not him. So if you see him getting tired then you must end the game before he does. Otherwise you let him make the decision and in the canine world the leaders make all the decisions.

Can I give my dog Aspirin?No. Aspirin causes gastrointestinal damage in a dose-dependent fashion and has been shown to cause gastrointestinal bleeding in dogs. It also can lead to premature liver failure in healthy dogs or cause more damage to dogs already in liver failure.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Ear cuffs are pieces of jewellery designed to hug the upper portion of the ear

Earcuffs


THEY are great alternatives to earrings.Their size and volume go beyond what you can do with piercing,according to Paris-based Gaia Repossi,who has crafted a chain-like stack of rings that slip over the wearers helix (the ears outer rim).Flirting the line between Hollywood actress Elizabeth Taylors glam earrings and fictional character Lisbeth Salanders rebellion,ear cuffs are sculpturally beautiful and practical (since they are easy to put on and remove).

What they mean I


Ear cuffs are pieces of jewellery designed to hug the upper portion of the ear.A woman wearing a pair doesnt need to have pierced ears,because the cuffs are designed in a curved shape which fits snugly around the folds of the outer ear.

Origin I


Based on the paintings found in pyramids,ear cuffs were first sported by the royalty in ancient Egypt.They are also similar to certain traditional pieces worn by Kashmiri and Bengali women.

Modern update I


American fashion designer Katie Gallaghers web-like pieces almost look like a hair accessory.Rodartes Spring Summer 2013 show introduced the very punk rock dragon ear cuff,inspired by fantasy role-playing games.Minimalistic jewellery line BRVTVS worked with designer Jason Wu to create a much more understated ear cuff for his streamlined outfits at New York Fashion Week.

Seen on I


Hollywood actress Diane Kruger,supermodel Cara Delevingne,and singers Alicia Keys and Rihanna.

RODARTE

Ears cuffs from Anni Jurgensons collection

Diane Kruger

The digital generation suffers from a symptom called the Fear Of Missing Out

Is FOMO making you paranoid

The digital generation suffers from a symptom called the Fear Of Missing Out.Without the daily dose of like,share,status and picture updates,people feel frustrated,even inadequate.Shikha Shah wonders whether we are looking at a robotic future ahead where the machine will be our BFF

Dad:

We are going on a family holiday to Europe!

Daughter:


Wow!

Dad:


But there's one condition.Holiday time will be strictly family time.No phones,iPads or laptops allowed.

Daughter:


Thats not done.I cannot stay detached from my friends and the world just because we are going on a holiday! TS the most common argument in most families today.No matter how hard one tries,its an irresistible need these days to know what everyone is up to all the time,be it friends,family,acquaintances,colleagues,ex-es or even a total stranger.A better part of the day is spent checking statuses,likes comments and pictures uploaded on social networking sites,and a day without gadgets,that connect people 24x7,almost drives people insane.The fingertip generation simply cant survive without instant information trivial or earth-shattering,petty or important.You may have pondered on the matter but now theres a study that confirms this belief.

According to the Connecting and Communicating Online: State of Social Media study 2012,62 per cent of adults who are currently a member of more than one social networking site,say they keep an eye on sites because they dont want to miss out on anything.The study also says that this Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) is so severe that nearly 40 per cent of these people would rather undertake a potentially painful activity like reading War and Peace at one go,do their taxes,get a root canal,even spend a night in jail before even thinking of giving up their social networking profiles!

Eighty per cent teens sleep with their mobile phones near their pillows and send thousands of text messages every day even before they get out of bed.Says Natasha Dcosta,19,a college student,Its next to impossible to resist checking Facebook,Twitter,or my BBM every two minutes.Through them,I get to know exactly what my friends are doing at what time,where,and with whom. It may partly be curiosity,considering that people have a voracious appetite for gossip or general inquisitiveness about other peoples lives;but when this kind of inquisitiveness turns into obsession,FOMO creeps in.Dcosta explains further,I need to be available to my friends 24X7.What if one of them breaks up with her boyfriend or gets into an argument with her parents They may need instant solace.

Most of us cannot control the urge to text or call while driving and interrupt one call to take another without knowing whos on the line.There are nights when I am unable to sleep due to insecurity.I wake up in the wee hours of morning to check whether I have received any text message or missed an important call, says Kirti Sharma,40,a tutor.We are so addicted to these social networking mediums that we cant stay by ourselves anymore.I am aware that I am obsessed with my phone but I cannot help it.I have reached a stage where,if a friend doesnt pick up my call,I start getting anxious thinking she is ignoring me, adds Sharma.

FOMO is an uncontrollable yearning to be at two or more places at once;a condition fuelled by the fear that missing out on something can put a dent in our happiness,status,or career.Its also partly the product of ones growing need to be present everywhere.People are bombarded with so much information in this consumerist society that the anxiety of missing out on something can make them paranoid.

Says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany,Due to various personal and psychological reasons,people have started craving attention.Today,we all want to be the centre of attraction and be noticed. Tinu Cherian,32,an IT professional who has 1.8 lakh followers on Twitter and posts a minimum of 40 to 50 tweets a day,says,I have a fascination for information.Through Twitter,I get to know whats happening around the world.I tweet regularly and 60 per cent of my tweets are automated.I schedule tweets in order to stay active on the site in spite of a busy schedule. The symptoms of FOMO include the inability to put away ones mobile phone,excessive texting,tweeting even from the toilet and showing up at events uninvited.Cherian says he feels angry and frustrated when hes unable to tweet due to network problems.

In the book Alone Together,American author and psychologist Sherry Turkle searches for answers for such frustrations by studying how digital devices are affecting our communication and relationships.She says in an interview to a magazine,Earlier,people used to think I have a feeling,I want to make a call.Now,its more like I want to have a feeling,so,I need to send a text.You dont know your own thoughts and feelings until you connect and someone tells you what you are thinking!
Relationship counsellor Dr Rajan Bhonsle says,I am dealing with a lot of cases where people say they prefer texting to face-to-face conversations because when it comes to latter,one cant control what he or she is going to say,and one doesnt know what it could lead to.People find the immediacy and unpredictability of a face-to-face conversation upsetting.

We are so accustomed to overuse of technology that a lot of times we unknowingly ignore the person sitting right in front of us.Cherian remembers one such incident from his life.A few months ago,Id taken my wife to a posh restaurant to celebrate our first marriage anniversary.Being a Twitter addict,I kept tweeting and re-tweeting till my wife got mad and just walked off, he says.
The influence of technology is such that we find simulations of life more alluring than life itself.Turkle writes in her book,We already filter companionship through machines;the next stage is to accept machines as companions.

A robotic future awaits us until we consciously make an effort to use gadgets as tools to communicate our feelings to other people rather than getting unhealthily attached to the machine itself.

DO THESE TO BE FOMO FREE


Try not to reply to a text message immediately,unless its very urgent.Stop being generous when befriending people on social networking sites.Ask yourself if the person will add value to your life before you follow them on Twitter or befriend them on Facebook.Define your priorities.The next time you are out with your loved ones,unplug by leaving your phone in your pocket.Develop a theyll call back attitude.If someone really needs to talk to you,they will call back.Simple.

Earlier,people used to think I have a feeling,I want to make a call.Now,its more like I want to have a feeling,so,I need to send a text

Sherry Turkle, professor of the social studies of science & technology at MIT


What is love? The definition of love changes according to your age

What is love

The question has baffled people through the centuries.Circa 2012,the answer still seems elusive.Kasmin Fernandes asks why...

AFTER all the searches for celebrity gossip,the queries revolving around mindless entertainment and the countless quests for the latest news were still left with the burning desire to understand the significance of human connections.
There is fresh proof for this fact of modern life in search engine Googles annual year-end list of top searches for this year.Alongside the usual suspects celebrities,newsmaking politicians,athletes and musicians were two gems: the worlds most popular what is query was what is love, and the second-highest trending how to query was how to love.
So,despite and probably because of all the distractions that modern life offers,human beings the world over continue to be intrigued with the most basic and powerful of all emotions love.Ironically,the anonymity of the worldwide web makes it convenient to put across questions theyd be doubtful of asking their loved ones aloud.
The answers,however,are as many as there are people.A cross-section of eight professionals we quizzed,threw up different perspectives,ranging from intimate to familial to spiritual.Its evident that love may be elusive,still pose a lot of questions,but it ultimately conquers all! Its interesting that so many people are searching for the meaning of love online;typically,people look at their own life experiences,parents,movies and books for it.

What is love


The definition of love changes according to your age,experience and relationships.For me,its finding someone you trust,someone you are attracted enough to want to spend the rest of your life with.


Shoma Narayan
Mills & Boon author


Amidst the economic recession,moral degradation,the end of kalyug,and the radical shift in consciousness taking place right now,its a sweet and hopeful piece of news.

What is love


Ultimately,love is freedom and a state of mind where there is unconditional giving and selflessness.


Ganga Kadakia
painter


I dont think love is something people will ever get bored of.The fact that movies are still made the world over on the subject and songs are still written about it shows that every person is looking for love.In fact,I wouldve been surprised if it didnt feature in the top trending topics.

What is love


I like author CS Lewis take on the subject.He wrote that there are four loves storge (Greek for affection),philia (friendship),eros (between a man and a woman) and agape (unconditional love).


Subi Samuel
fashion photographer


This is great news,because all art and music stem from love.Its our way of understanding how the Universe was created,how we came to being and what we are doing here on earth.

What is love


Love is not just about manwoman relationships.It goes beyond our narrow human definitions;its the fabric of the universe.


Randolph Correia
guitarist and music producer



I didnt think people would go on to the internet and search for the meaning of love! Fortunately,I never had to go to the net to find out about love.

What is love


Love is what makes the world go round!
Sarah-Jane Dias
actress


Shouldnt it be the question on everyones minds The more failed relationships we have in these times,the more curious we are getting about the definition of true love.The internet is just another medium to look for its meaning,especially for the technology-oriented younger lot.

What is love


Love is when somebody becomes the centre of your world,affects you the most,inspires you the most.Someone whose companionship is the most valuable to you.When a person becomes an extension of you.Its rare for all these qualities to come together,but when they do,its real love.

Gaurav Chopraa television anchor


I sincerely believe that if you have any questions,you must put them out there in the cosmos and the answers will come to you.What I like about the internet is that you can throw up any question you have in mind,and somebody always responds. What is love Faith.Love is equivalent to God.We all know this as babies,but as we grow up,we forget this and turn the concept into a Mount Everest that needs to be conquered.However,if God is there,love will be there.


Makrand Deshpande
actor,theatre director


Most of us are so caught up in our day-to-day lives that there is literally no time for love.Since the worldwide web has become the modern messiah,its only natural that people would seek answers to even the most emotional queries in cyberspace.However,the answer lies within.

What is love


Compassion.Its one of the purest emotions in the universe.The fact that we exist on this planet is an outcome of love.It is not only what you feel for a man;its also the affection you have for your friends and family.


Vaibhavi Merchant
choreographer

Humiliation for the sake of entertainment is de rigueur

WHEN HUMOUR KILLS

Humiliation for the sake of entertainment is de rigueur in todays world.But when the consequences are severe even fatal its time to ask whether the current culture of casual cruelty has gone too far.Purvaja Sawant explores...




IT was meant to be a prank to get a few silly laughs.It went horribly wrong.The case of Jacintha Saldanha,46,the nurse at King Edward VII hospital,UK who hanged herself with a scarf in the wardrobe of her quarters on December 7,ridden with guilt and shame brings to focus an ethical question and a fiercely-debatable topic of our times: are we taking too many liberties with peoples feelings in the name of entertainment
Saldanha was guilty of an error of judgment.She,unsuspectingly,gave out medical details of Prince Williams pregnant wife Kate Middleton,after receiving a hoax radio call from two Australian RJs,Mel Greig and Michael Christian,who impersonated Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles,respectively,to get information and share a few laughs.They boasted about their achievements on the radio,and garnered the worlds attention.Saldanha,who was a righteous person,could not handle being the centre of the joke that made the world laugh at her mistake.She couldnt bear the fact that she let the hospital down.The mother of two killed herself just three days after the hoax call story was made public.The media blitzkrieg and the public outcry since has forced the two RJs to apologise publicly;but what can explain their cruel intentions to share a good laugh over someones mistake,and then brag about it without thinking of the consequences

Culture of cruelty


Sociologist Nandini Sardesai says Saldanhas case is a sad reflection of the times we live in.We cant condone the fact that a joke or prank can cause someone else harm;after all,some people are more sensitive than the others.Most of the time,we realise the repercussions of our seemingly innocent actions too late.By then,the damage is done. According to her,this is happening more in todays world because people have become desensitised.She adds,The depth of feeling is lost.We are sceptical,callous,and dont take anything on face value.In sociology,we call it a blas outlook,where people have an I-dont-care-aboutanybody-else-but-myself attitude.
Inflicting pain on others seems to be acceptable social even funny behaviour.Director Mahesh Bhatt feels this callousness is the result of a world where empathy is fast dissipating.We have become extremely self-centred as human beings.Its all about me.There is no room for anyone elses feelings because we are too full of ourselves. Adman and columnist Suhel Seth says,We are living in a soulless society where people arent generous with either their time or their kindness.We are becoming less and less compassionate as human beings.In fact,we are so cynical and voyeuristic that we are insensitive to the point of inflicting cruelty on others.We love to see other people helpless and being humiliated.
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche had once said,Humour is just schadenfreude (pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others) with a clear conscience. But there have been too many instances of casual,tacky cruelty for the conscience to be clear.Schadenfreude has become the driving emotion of our society.Popular culture be it reality TV shows where contestants are humiliated,radio pranks on unsuspecting people,or verbal outbursts on the social media reflects our brutal nature too well.Technology may have helped people connect,but most of it is used for sadistic pleasure by people.You have to see the vortex of verbal violence on Twitter if you write something contrary to someone elses views or beliefs.Its scary, explains Bhatt.
Sardesai,however,feels the problem lies within.After all,popular culture only reflects its current society.Even in their personal relationships,most people have become calculative and manipulative.Their actions are a result of their bitter personal experiences,and most often,these actions are negative.So if there is a person,who shows even a little compassion,he is instantly mocked at.

Life is a series of combat


Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani believes we are living in one of the loneliest times,where we unleash violence onto one another simply because it makes us feel on top of the world,We have warped ideologies of happiness and success.Too much competition has driven us to a point of combativeness.Its all about survival of the fittest,the strongest.And how do you feel strong By virtue of bullying and making another person feel small.By having a good laugh at them, she says.
Social commentator Santosh Desai agrees with the viewpoint.He says,People derive sadistic pleasure when they see someone being made into a public spectacle because its a form of validation for them.It reassures them in some way that they are better than the person being humiliated,that they are superior than the victim of the joke.Think of it... we laugh even when someone slips on a banana peel and gets hurt.The tendency is present even on the simplest of levels.
Is it any surprise then that in a culture of cutthroat competition,the biggest casualty is empathy,and the biggest laugh is out of someone elses misfortune Instant comments on social networking platforms have a huge negative impact on youngsters.It is an alarming trend.The social networking platforms lead them to believe they arent answerable to anyone.Because of this,todays youth has become irreverent.


Kirron Kher,actor


As a comedian,I believe if you are playing a prank on someone,you should reveal it in the end.If youre taking potshots at someone,you must first have the ability to laugh at yourself.And never make fun of people who cant fight back,like young children or ill people.

Vir Das,comedian



There is nothing wrong in seeking humour,though there should be a limit to it.Humour is one way of dealing with grief.People take refuge behind laughter and mockery so that they dont have to deal with the dark and harsh realities of life.In this day and age,where you only get to hear about tragedies and heart-wrenching stories about suicide,murder or other natural calamities,people seek humour to deflect from reality.With so much negativity around us,people,to some extent,need to de-sensitise themselves,or it gets too much to handle.


Archana Puran Singh,judge,comedy show


I have two sons,aged 17 and 15.I can make out that their comments can be really mean and nasty at times.The child soldiers of Africa are known for their cruelty.Harmless pranks are in vogue,the meaner the jokes,the more kicks the kids get out of it.Its like they thrive on each others misery.My friends daughter was subjected to such bullying,and went into depression for a year!


Rina Dhaka,designer

 

Make up brushes you must own

Make up brushes you must own


1. Foundation Brush A foundation brush must be round, fluffy and flattipped for flawlessly blending the foundation into skin. The round shape of the brush is helpful in applying foundation and for smoothing out uneven skin tone. Take a little foundation on the back of your hand, dip your brush in it and apply on face starting from the cheeks to the hairline in circular motions. 
 
2. Blush Brush
    
You cannot apply blush with your fingers unless it is a cream based formula. But then again, using a brush to apply blush prevents product wastage. Also, you have full control over where your blush should be applied just above the contouring and just below the highlighter when you use a blush brush.

3. Concealer Brush

    The concealer brush is one brush you should definitely own since it not only helps in covering your blemishes and zits while applying makeup but also helps you clean your whole look once you are done. 

4. Eyebrow Brush
    
If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the eyebrows are definitely the window frames. And you sure as hell would not want tardy window frames. An oftignored but essential part of makeup, eyebrows must be groomed and filled in. They are especially necessary when you use powder to fill in your brows. Eyeybrow pencils tend to look harsh and fake. Brows look natural when filled in with powder. And this is where the eyebrow brush comes in handy since you can control the amount of product that you need.

Dr Manjiri, an international expert in non-surgical treatments for obesity and the pioneer in introducing these treatments for fat loss in India

On foreign shores



    Dr Manjiri, an international expert in non-surgical treatments for obesity and the pioneer in introducing these treatments for fat loss in India, was recently invited to share her expertise at the International Conference on Obesity and Weight Management at Philadelphia, USA. She also cochaired the session for surgical treatments of obesity with Dr Mal Fobi, a renowned Hollywood surgeon.
    Said Dr Manjiri said, “These treatments are safe, effective and give permanent results without any side effects. It is the best option to lose one to three inches in one hour from stubborn fat areas like thighs, hips or abdomen without strict diet and grueling exercises.” These treatments fit it perfectly for customers who would like swift but sure results
without any side effects whatsoever.

Dr Manjiri at International Obesity Conference, Philadelphia, USA

Beauty is more than skin deep and it requires a proper skincare regime to get great complexion

Fresh and beautiful

    Beauty is more than skin deep and it requires a proper skincare regime to get great complexion. That is what the finalists of the Clean & Clear Bombay Times Fresh Face 2012 learnt in their session with dermatologist Dr Geetanjali Shetty, when she spoke to them a few days before the contest. The 10 girls met the doctor to discuss their skin issues and what they could do to address those.
    During the hour-long session, Shetty told the contestants how it is important to include sunscreen in one’s skincare routine as today’s weather conditions require more than cleansing, toning and moisturising. “Protecting your skin has become equally important since teen skin is different from adult
skin and requires appropriate care to keep it healthy and beautiful.” The importance of fruits like berry, lemon and green apple to keep skin healthy and fresh was also discussed, along with the need to use correct products. For instance, one can use cherry for a fairer complexion but for it to last long, it’s important to control oil on face to keep that dull and oily look at bay which takes away fairness. Shetty also held personal consultations with each of the contestants and recommended various changes to their routines so that they could get the desired results. She also appreciated contestant Divya Saini, who said she was completely satisfied with her skin, and added that true beauty stems from confidence. The contestants also used the opportunity to discuss the products they use with the expert so that they could understand their applications, since apart from eating healthy, drinking water and working out, cosmetic products can help one get a flawless complexion, but one must understand their proper use.

Dr Geetanjali Sheety and Sanjana Bhandari

Ram and Sakshi to play judges


Ram and Sakshi to play judges



    Telly actors Ram Kapoor and Sakshi Tanwar are up to something that they have never done before. They have agreed to take up their biggest challenge ever. For the first time, the on-screen jodi will be seen playing the role of judges in Big Bazaar’s India’s Most Stylish Homes Contest.
    This is a pan India contest from Big Bazaar, which is generally known for dishing out the best deals on life essentials and household products. But this time around, they are showcasing their range of stylish products in every category at best prices. A range of colourful curtains, beautiful bed sheets, designer dinner sets, cool cutlery, funky fashion wear and
lots more will be on display till January 1 in their stores, across India. And to celebrate this occasion, they have roped in Ram and Sakshi for the contest. Anyone who shops at Big Bazaar during this period will be able to participate in the contest by sending pictures of their stylish home interiors. Besides India’s most stylish home, there’s also city’s most stylish home and area’s most stylish home to be won alongside other prizes. But that’s not all. This celebrity couple will visit the home that wins the contest and be their guests for an entire day. Their fans will definitely want to make the most of this opportunity.


Sakshi Tanwar and Ram Kapoor

BIPASHA BACK WITH A FITNESS DVD

BIPASHA BACK WITH A FITNESS DVD



    After the success of her first fitness DVD, Fit And Fabulous You,
Bipasha Basu is set to launch a second one — Break Free.
    Says Bipasha, “While the first DVD was more of a functional type, combining cardio, strength and abs, this one is a dance routine comprising 68 moves, starting with warmup, main section and Bollywood routine. In India, we dance for all occasions and Bollywood steps are very famous. So much so, that it’s termed as a genre in an international dance reality show. The idea is to use dance as medium for workouts.”
    Working with a choreographer, Bipasha says she started with four moves for each body part —— especially problem areas like the tummy, loose arms and love handles. “I had to put together the steps first and then add the music for every step to the beat of eight. Once I finalised the steps for a 30-minute routine, I had to set the tempo,” she adds.
    Hiren Gada, Director, Shemaroo Entertainment, which is releasing the DVD, says, “We worked closely with Bipasha Basu to produce her first fitness video — Fit And Fabulous You, which was a grand success. With this second video, Break Free, we want to continue the success story. Her keen interest in fitness has helped her to achieve a great and fit body, which, we’re sure, will inspire many others to follow through. We have completed 50 years in the entertainment industry and have moved ahead in accordance with our customers’ tastes. We are sure that our audience will have fun with this dance workout while burning fat.”

Bipasha Basu

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo: My Parents Didn't Think Pageants Were a Good Idea


Olivia Culpo is named the 2012 Miss Universe on December 19, 2012 in Las Vegas.
Olivia Culpo is named the 2012 Miss Universe on December 19, 2012 in Las Vegas.
Credit: Marcel Thomas/FilmMagic
Miss Universe winner Olivia Culpo may be a pageant queen now, but a year-and-a-half ago, the 20-year-old Miss USA was just another sophomore at Boston University.
"My first pageant was [Miss Rhode Island] last October...I was studying acting in college, and I figured [pageants] would help my stage performance and my ability to perform for others, so I just went for it," Culpo told Us Weekly on Thursday, Dec. 20, one day after beating out 88 other women from around the globe for the coveted Miss Universe crown.


"My parents didn't think it was a good idea," she added. "And I ended up getting my dress the night before. It was a $20 Rent-the-Runway gown that was too short [and had] a hole in the back of it."
The judges didn't notice. Or if they did, they didn't care. The accomplished cellist -- who says she used to be "chubby" and a nerd -- won the Miss Rhode Island title that day and then went on to win Miss USA in June and Miss Universe on Dec. 19. And she says none of it would have happened without Giuliana Rancic, who co-hosted Wednesday's Las Vegas event with Bravo's Andy Cohen.


"She is actually one of the reasons why I entered the Miss Rhode Island pageant [last year]," Culpo told Us, noting that Rancic is a former Miss Maryland contestant. "At the time I had been thinking, 'Oh, maybe acting, maybe hosting' -- I knew I wanted to go into entertainment. And I figured if Giuliana did [pageants], and Maria Menounos did Miss Massachusetts…I should give it a shot, too."


"I've been close to Giuliana," the brunette beauty added. "She crowned me in June for Miss USA and she crowned me again last night…I love her so much."
Rancic wasn't the only celeb Culpo admired at the pageant. "Diego Boneta is really hot," she dished to Us. (Boneta was one of the Miss Universe judges, along with Brad Goreski, Scott Disick, Nigel Barker, Olympian Kerri Walsh, and others.) "The crush of the week was definitely him. He won."

Read more: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/miss-universe-2012-olivia-culpo-my-parents-didnt-think-pageants-were-a-good-idea-20122012#ixzz2Fmcsthsk
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Google doodles Srinivasa Ramanujan's 125th birthday

To honour Srinivasa Ramanujan on his 125th birthday, Google has posted a doodle on its homepage. The doodle features a boy trying to solve some mathematical equations and geometrical figures, which form the letters of the word 'Google'.
Born on 22 December 1887, Srinivasa Ramanujan was an Indian mathematician who made extraordinary contributions to mathematical analysis, number theory, infinite series, and continued fractions. He was an autodidact.
Recently, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh declared 2012 as the 'National Mathematical year' as a tribute to maths wizard Srinivasa Ramanujan. Singh also declared December 22, the birthday of Ramanujan, as 'National Mathematics Day.'
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"A genius like Ramanujan would shine bright even in the most adverse of circumstances, but we should be geared to encourage and nurture good talent which may not be of the same calibre as that of Ramanujan", Singh had once said.
It is believed that a biography of Ramanujan written by Professor Robert Kanigel has made Ramanujan well known to the public at large all over the world.

Along with CV Raman and Subramanyam Chandrashekhar (both Nobel laureates), Srinivasa Ramanujan is said to be among the three great men of science and mathematics that Tamil Nadu and India have given to the world of modern times.
Sharing his thoughts on Srinivasa Ramanujan, the great mathematician, after whom the year was named as the National Year of Mathematics, Dr Kalam said, "Ramanujan lived for 33 years only. But he was an exceptional mathematician."
On 26 April 1920, Ramanujan died of illness, malnutrition, and possibly liver infection at the age of 32.

This Entrepreneur Donated Rs 110 Crore to Shirdi Saibaba



K.V. Ramani, the co founder of nasscom, that represents and sets the tone for public policy for the Indian software industry is also a successful entrepreneur who founded Chennai-based Future Software and co-founded Hughes Software in Delhi. This man is just not an entrepreneur who runs behind money but he is also a well known philanthropist. His philanthropic activities can inspire many entrepreneurs to follow this path; reports rediff.com.


Ramani was recently in news for one such activity where he built and donated Sai Ashram for Rs 110 crore and handed it over to Sri Saibaba Sansthan. This Ashram will formally be inaugurated by President Pranab Mukherjee on November 16. Apart from this, Ramani also extends his services by donating 80 percent of his total earnings to the Shirdi Sai Trust.


Being a devotee of Shiridi Sai Baba
Ramani became a diehard devotee of Shiridi Sai Baba 35 years ago, when he was 27 year old. He was never a spiritual person and nor was he a devotee of Sai Baba.




Once one of his dearest family member fell sick and it was a disease that doctors could not diagnose and cure. He and his family were shattered, that was when they were asked to worship Shiridi Sai Baba and Ramani was asked to visit the temple in Mylapore. He decided to visit the temple every Thursday since then but he did not have to wait as the miracle happened the same night when the sick person started showing signs of recovery. The next day when the doctors arrived to check the status of that person they were surprised as he was completely cured.


Donating income and being spiritual
“I was not spiritual then; a young unmarried man of 27. Now, I am 62. There was no rationale working then. When my prayers were answered, I decided to fulfill the promise. For me, it was like visiting a temple after writing an exam well,” says Ramani.




He completely accepts the fact that he has turned spiritual and only after being a devotee of Shiridi Sai that he was able to differentiate between religion and spirituality. He always wanted to visit the Shiridi temple but was not able to do so though he planned many trips with Dewang Mehta (of Nasscom) but could not make it happens not when you planned but when Baba wants. After starting the Sai Ashram project he has been regularly visiting the temple to be blessed and to be rejuvenated.


Taking the philanthropic path
Ramani started his philanthropic venture in his house in Chennai in 1996 where he set aside a certain sum of money for building Sai temples, to help the poor in education, food and healthcare and also for Sai Prachaar. He also says that he does not accept or take money as donation and completely does it from his own money.



He says, “Baba, you gave me too much money, I don't need this much”. After selling two of his companies in 2004, which benefited the company, employees and himself, he decided to keep just 20 percent of it and to give away the 80 percent of it to Sai Baba.


As spoken to rediff he says, “I gave Rs 110 crore now. If you add what I have given all these years, it is much more than that. What we are spending every year is from the interest I get from the corpus I have invested. This Rs 110 crore comes from the interest of the corpus of the last 5-6 years.”


Reason to donate 110 crores
Ramani did not have any plans to build anything rather than just using the funds for some good purpose. When he spoke to the PRO of Shirdi Sansthan, he realized that the major problem that the ashram faced was accommodation.




Elderly people sat on the roads and women fed their babies in the open as they could not get a roof under their head. After taking a closer look at the statistics he found out that 30-40,000 devotees came to Shirdi every day. During weekends, it was a lakh and during festival times, it was 3-4 lakhs and the accommodation available with the Sansthan was less than 10,000. It was after hearing and seeing all this he decided to take up the project. 


He also clearly says that it would be completely owned, maintained and managed by the Sansthan, and nobody has rights over it after handing over the keys.


"What I do for the Shirdi Sai Trust is not materialistic; it is spiritual". He also says, “The entrepreneur in me creates institutions which can provide employment, which can create and showcase technological products to the world. We didn't build a services company; we built a technology product company. We focused primarily on the telecom sector and had branches in the UK, Germany, in the US, Japan, Korea and China.”






3 Million Girls in India Gone Missing In a Decade

The world celebrates the “International Day of the Girl Child”, but India doesn't seem to be the best place for a girl child. Three million girl children have gone missing in 2011 in comparison to 2001 says a "Children in India 2012-A Statistical Appraisal" report.


Studies earlier have said that 2,000 girls a day or five-lakh girls a year go missing in India due to female feticide, reported Kounteya Sinha for TNN. In families, where one girl child already lives, the chance of a second girl being born is as low as 54 percent. Further, in a family with two female children, the chances of a third girl being born is as small as 20 percent.


As per the ministry while the size of child population in the age group (0-6 years) is waning, the share of girls in 0-6 age bracket is reducing at a faster pace than that of boys in the same age group. Currently, there are 48 fewer girls per 1,000 boys than in 1981.


Even in terms of infant mortality rate (IMR), there has been a decline for males from 78 in 1990 to 46 in 2010 and for females it was from 81 to 49 in this time period. The percentage decline in male and female IMR are 41.02 and 39.5 percent respectively, during the last two decades.


It was also noted that in case of IPC crimes, an increase of 43 percent was registered in kidnapping and abduction, while rape cases had amplified by 30 percent, trafficking of minor girls recorded an increase of 27 percent and feticide saw a hike of 19 percent over 2010. Crimes against girl children in 2011 have also seen a considerable rise. 132 cases of feticide were reported in the last year, while 7,112 cases of child rape were reported in the country.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Observing the Psyche Rajen Vakil

Observing the Psyche
Rajen Vakil
To observe the workings of our psyche is a very long endeavour and requires immense patience. Let us try to see some of these workings.
Can we see how everything keeps changing within us? How we are happy one moment but become irritated the next? For example, when someone we dislike calls to say he is coming to meet us? Or how superstition grabs us when a cat crosses our path or the milk boils over? Can we hear our inner conversations? Do we realise there is always a crowd of people talking within us? We are always caught up in what others think of us. Did he just insult me? Does she appreciate my efforts? Very often, we feel misunderstood by our partner. But do we see how we want to be better than the other? How we always find fault with each other? How we love to show off? Do we see how we project an exterior of being modest, generous and simple, while we are totally different inside?
Do we see how within our minds, we live in fear, conflict and anxiety, but show people that nothing upsets or scares us? Do we see how we get irritated and angry when a desire remains unfulfilled?
Can we see we have psychological hunger? The way we feel compelled to put another person down? How we like to gossip and are attracted to scandal? How we love to complain about everything? How we have an opinion on everything?
Do we see how we live in the past and escape cold, hard facts by saying ‘If only’. “If only I had a better education.” “If only my parents had treated me better.” “If only he had come to my help.”
Do we see our contradictions? When we fail at something, we peg it down to destiny or believe life is conspiring against us.
As we slowly begin to observe our psyche, we realise that all these thoughts and emotions are merely continuous leakages of energy. If we can observe and be free of them, we can lead a more happy and peaceful life.
Yes, it is possible to separate from what we are.
Attend a free Three Step Rhythmic Breathing (3SRB) session today from 3.30pm to 5.30pm at HELP Library, National Insurance Building, opposite Central Camera, DN Road, Fort. www.3srb.org

GAYATRI MANTRA THE BEST DIVINE PRAYER HYMN IN THE WORLD! SAID AMERICAN SCIENTIST Dr.HOWARD STEINGERIL

GAYATRI MANTRA  THE BEST  DIVINE PRAYER  HYMN IN THE WORLD! SAID AMERICAN SCIENTIST  Dr.HOWARD STEINGERIL    

Dr.Howard Steingeril, an American scientist, collected Mantras, Hymns and invocations from all over the world and from all religions, tested their strength in his Physiology Laboratory. He concluded that the  Hindus Vedic Gayatri Mantra  is the most rewarding scientifically. ' That the Gayathri Mantra produced 110,000 sound waves per second. This was the highest and  found it to be the most powerful prayer hymn in the world.  That the combination of sound and variation in the sound waves and its particular frequency is capable of developing specific spiritual potentialities.   The Hamburg university initiated this research into the efficacy of the Gayathri Mantra both on the mental and physical plane of CREATION...

The GAYATHRI MANTRA is now being broadcast daily for 15 minutes from 7 P.M. onwards over Radio Paramaribo, Surinam, South America for the past two years, and also in Amsterdam,  Holland for the last six months

Rape Laws in India

Source - LEGAL INDIA -  http://www.legalindia.in/

Rape Laws in India


Rape is a stigma which exists in the society from a long time. The dictionary meaning of word rape is “the ravishing or violation of a woman.” The rape victim i.e. a woman as woman cannot commit rape due to biological reasons. She is traumatized after the event; it is very difficult for a woman to come out of this trauma. Rape in India is a cognizable offence. There are many provisions in various Acts. The word rape is legally defined u/s 375 of Indian Penal Code, 1860. It defines the rape and also prescribes its punishment. Whenever a man penetrates or does sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent or will it amounts to rape. Penetration here means that only a slightest of the touch of penis to vagina amounts to rape, unruptured hymen of woman does not prove that rape was not committed. There are exceptions to it also i.e. when a man does sexual intercourse with his wife who is above 15 years of age. The rape law under Indian Penal Code had gone through a lot of amendments. In 1983, amendment was made and S. 376(2) i.e. Custodial rape, S. 376(A) i.e. marital rape S. 376(B to D) i.e. Sexual Intercourse not amounting to rape were added.

U/s 228A of Indian Penal Code, No person can disclose the name of the rape victim and if anybody discloses the name, he shall be punished with either description for a term which may extend to two years and shall also be liable for fine.
U/s 114-A of Indian Evidence Act, presumption can be made as to the absence of consent in certain prosecutions for rape.
U/s 53(1) of Code of Criminal Procedure, When a person is arrested on a charge of committing an offence of such a nature and alleged to have been committed under such circumstances that there are reasonable grounds for believing that an examination of his person will afford evidence as to the commission of an offence, it shall be lawful for a registered medical practitioner, acting at the request of a police officer not below the rank of sub-inspector, and for any person acting in good faith in his aid and under his direction, to make such an examination of the person arrested as is reasonably necessary in order to ascertain the facts which may afford such evidence, and to use such force as is reasonably necessary for that purpose.
U/s 164A of Code of Criminal Procedure, provisions for medical examination of rape victim are given.
U/s 327(2) of Code of Criminal Procedure, there should be in camera trial for all rape victims.
The Judiciary in India is burdened with a lot of work and therefore judgment of the rape cases comes very late. Sometimes it comes so late that either of the parties had died. So, there should be speedy trials in rape cases so that the victim gets justice as it is rightly stated that “Justice delayed is justice denied.”
As every coin has two sides, in this case also there are two sides. Many a times girls also make fake complaints just to ruin the life of a boy, sometimes the parents of girl compels her to file a complaint against the boy she loves, as the law shows a lot of sympathy towards the girl. The accused is left with nothing, when the complaint is made his life is ruined irrespective of the fact that he was proved guilty or not. So, in my views there must come an amendment which equalizes the burden of proof on both the sides and the law works smoothly. It should be such that is contradicts the statement i.e. “Law is there for vigilant.”
Introduction:
Rape is a crime, which has a devastating effect on the survivors; it has been described as a “beginning of a nightmare”. The aftershocks include depression, fear, guilt-complex, suicidal-action, diminished sexual interest. etc., “one becomes afraid of’……..writes a victim, “half the human race”. Referring to the pitiable condition of women in society Mr. Justice S. Ahmad observed that “unfortunately, a woman in our country, belongs to a class or group of society who are in a disadvantaged position on account of several social barriers and impediments and have therefore, been victims of tyranny at the hands of men with whom they, unfortunately, under the Constitution “enjoy, equal status”. “Women also have the right to life and liberty; they also have the right to be respected and treated as equal citizens. Their honour and dignity cannot be touched or violated. They also have the right to lead an honorable and peaceful life”.
Rape is a crime against basic human rights and is also violative of the victim’s most cherished of the fundamental rights, normally, the right to life contained in Article 21 .
Incidence and prevalence:
South Africa has the highest per capita rate of reported rapes in the world: 119 per 100000 people, according to the UN. That compares with 30 per 100000 in the US. Analysts and women’s advocacy groups argue South Africa’s total, including unreported rapes could be five to nine times higher .
Police statistics show more than 50000 rapes are reported every year . In 1987 and 1991 number of cases reported were7767 and 9793 respectively. About 26% (11112) increase in number in the year 1992 – (NCRB). There is one rape in every 54 minutes .
As observed by Justice Arjit Pasayat:
” While a murderer destroys the physical frame of the victim, a rapist degrades and defiles the soul of a helpless female.”
Justice Krishna Iyer has observed in a very famous case of Rafiq v. State :
“A murderer kills the body but a rapist kills the soul.”
What is Rape?
Rape under English law is defined more particularly where the law cover all the aspect of rape. Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, which came into force in April 2004, rape in England and Wales was redefined from non-consensual vaginal or anal intercourse, and is now defined as non-consensual penile penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person. The changes also made rape punishable with a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. Although a woman who forces a man to have sex cannot be prosecuted for rape under English law, if she helps a man commit a rape she can be prosecuted for the crime (see, for example, the conviction of Claire Marsh in 2001). A woman can also be prosecuted for causing a man to engage in sexual activity without his consent, a crime which also carries a maximum life sentence if it involves penetration of the mouth, anus or vagina. The statute also includes a new sexual crime, called “assault by penetration”, which also has the same punishment as rape, and is committed when someone sexually penetrates the anus or vagina with a part of his or her body, or with an object, without that person’s consent.
Sexual offence act, 2003 states as follows:-
Rape
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if-
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents .
With compare to this law, law of India under penal code not cover the penetration of mouth and if such happened then that not amount to rape under our present law above all in India it is observe by our Hon’ble courts that in case of rape if any woman help to commit such rape she will be not charge for the offence of rape as she help to commit the rape but in England it happens and their punishment are also more than us so any one before committing this must think and in the mind of people there is some fear about law and it’s punishment.
Like every other country, laws relating to rape do exist in India. However, justice is rarely achieved. In most cases, rape victims themselves hesitate to make a complaint due to the stigma attached to it in society. Sometimes, even if a complaint is made, the offender gets away due to wide spread ignorance of the laws relating to the offense.
Rape means an unlawful intercourse done by a man with a woman without her valid consent. (Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860 )
A man is said to commit “rape” if he has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the six following descriptions :-
1. Against her will.
2. Without her consent.
3. With her consent, when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in whom she is interested in fear of death or of hurt.
4. With her consent, when the man knows that he is not her husband, and that her consent is given because she believes that he is another man to whom she is or believes herself to be lawfully married.
5. With her consent, when, at the time of giving such consent, by reason of unsoundness of mind or intoxication or the administration by him personally or through another of any stupefying or unwholesome substance, she is unable to understand the nature and consequences of that to which she gives consent.
6. With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age.
Explanation: Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual intercourse necessary to the offence of rape.
Exception: Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape.
AMENDMENTS TO RAPE LAWS IN 1983 were made to address mainly 3 issues :
A. Minimum Punishment in rape cases (IPC Section 376 sub section 1)
B. Special cases of rape (IPC Section 376 subsection 2 a-g ) A)
C. Marital Rape (IPC Section 376 A)
D. Abuse of official power (IPC Section 376,B,C,D)
A. MINIUM PUNISHMENT (Section 376 subsection 1 of Indian Penal Code)
1. Whoever, except in the cases provided for by sub-section (2), commits rape shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which shall not be less than seven years but which may be for life or for a term which may extend to ten years and shall also be liable to fine unless the woman raped is his own wife and is not under twelve years of age, in which case, he shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to two years or with fine or with both : Provided that the court may, for adequate and special reasons to be mentioned in the judgment, impose a sentence of imprisonment for a term of less than seven years.
Issues
Prior to this amendment, minimum punishment wasn’t specified, hence this is commendable, but if the judge decides that there is an adequate reason the punishment can be reduced.
B. SPECIAL CASES OF RAPE like rape of a girl who is below twelve years of age, rape knowing the woman to be pregnant , gang rape, and custodial rape definitions, Specific (and sometimes increased) Punishment in some of these cases Shift of burden of proof to defendant from the victim in some of these cases. (Section 376 subsection 2 (a-g) of Indian Penal Code)
1. Rape of a woman who is under twelve years of age [Sec.376 (2) (f)]
Punishment
Rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than ten years but which may be for life and shall also be liable to fine: Provided that the court may, for adequate and special reasons to be mentioned in the judgment, impose a sentence of imprisonment of either description for a term of less than ten years.
Issues
Unfortunately other than the increased minimum punishment from 7 years to 10 years, no other special concession is given to Child Rape given the increased trauma for the girl. Since even the minimum punishment can be reduced by the judges, much needs to be done in this area.
2. Rape of a woman, knowing her to be pregnant (Sec.376 Subsection 2- e)
Punishment
Rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than ten years but which may be for life and shall also be liable to fine: Provided that the court may, for adequate and special reasons to be mentioned in the judgment, impose a sentence of imprisonment of either description for a term of less than ten years.
Exemption from burden of proof if the victim states in court that she did not consent, then the court shall presume that she did not consent and the burden of proving consent shall shift to the accused
3. Gang Rape ( Sec.376 Subsection 2- g)
“Where a woman is raped by one or more in a group of persons acting in furtherance of their common intention, each of the persons shall be deemed to have committed gang rape within the meaning of this sub-section. ”
Thus even if five men force a women into having sexual intercourse with only one of them, the remaining four will also be considered to have committed rape under this law. Punishment
Rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than ten years but which may be for life and shall also be liable to fine: Provided that the court may, for adequate and special reasons to be mentioned in the judgment, impose a sentence of imprisonment of either description for a term of less than ten years.
Exemption from burden of proof :
If the victim states in court that she did not consent, then the court shall presume that she did not consent and the burden of proving consent shall shift to the accused.
4. Custodial Rape: (Sec.376 Subsection 2 a, b, c , d):
Rape committed on a woman in their or their subordinate’s custody by
a) police officer
(i) within the limits of the police station to which he is appointed; or
(ii) in the premises of any station house whether or not situated in the police station to, which he is appointed; or
(iii) on a woman in his custody or in the custody of a police officer subordinate to him;
b) public servant
c) management or the staff of a jail, remand home or other place of custody or a women’s or children’s institution
d) management or on the staff of a hospital
Punishment
Rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than ten years but which may be for life and shall also be liable to fine :P rovided that the court.
To understand the impact of sexual harassment on women one must listen to the account of its victims as no one conveys the meaning and truth of sexual harassment better than the women who have endured it. In response to the question “What kind of emotional response do eve-teasing /sexual harassment evoke in you”, not a single woman ticked the category of “indifferent”. The survey of the Gender Study Group shows that most women felt disgusted, insulted and scared by any sort of harassment.
Women often internalise male perceptions of sexual harassment and blame themselves for having brought on the harassment. They not only doubt the validity of their own experiences but begin to believe that they themselves must be ‘abnormal’, ‘cheap’, ‘indecent’ or deserving the violence that comes their way.
Sexual harassment is nothing less than the showcasing of male dominance. Given an opportunity, such men (those committing sexual harassment) would try fulfilling their desire. However, it also not true that all cases of sexual harassment are such- where the accused is guilty of conceiving the intention of a sexual intercourse. But it also depends on each individual case and circumstances, because it may well be the case that the woman may also be at fault.
Every 60 minutes, two women are raped in this country. What is more horrendous is that 133 elderly women were sexually assaulted last year, according to the latest report prepared by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB). A total of 20,737 cases of rape were reported last year registering a 7.2 per cent increase over the previous year, with Madhya Pradesh becoming the “rape capital” of the country by topping the list of such incidents.
Going by the NCRB statistics, two women are raped in the country every hour. Madhya Pradesh accounted for 14.5 per cent of the total cases (3,010), with West Bengal following with 2,106 such incidents. Records of high incidence in other states include Uttar Pradesh (1,648), Bihar (1,555) and Rajasthan (1,238). The national capital had 598 cases in which 602 women were sexually assaulted.
In its report Crime in India — 2007, the NCRB noted that offenders were known to the victims in as many as 19,188 cases (92.5 per cent). That included 6,902 incidents in which neighbours were involved. Parents or close family members were involved in 405 cases while in 1,448 cases relatives were involved. “Everywhere in this country, over 90 per cent of the victims are raped by person known to them,” a senior police official said.
According to the official statistics of 1991, one woman is molested every 26 minutes. These statistics refer to the reported cases. Whereas, if the unreported cases were to be included, it would be a matter of seconds- rather than minutes. investigation of Most cases are not reported by victims because of various reasons such as family pressures, the manner of the police, the unreasonably long and unjust process and application of law; and the resulting consequences thereof.
In instances where women have reported such illegal and unwelcome behavior, there have been significant victories in the past decade or so. Also considering the fact the sometimes these victories are achieved after a wait of a decade or so.
As Kiran Bedi., Retd. Joint Commissioner, Special Branch has observed:
“The law of rape is not just a few sentences. It is a whole book, which has clearly demarcated chapters and cannot be read selectively. We cannot read the preamble and suddenly reach the last chapter and claim to have understood and applied it.”
In the Mathura rape case , wherein Mathura- a sixteen year old tribal girl was raped by two policemen in the compound of Desai Ganj Police station in Chandrapur district of Maharashtra.
Her relatives, who had come to register a complaint, were patiently waiting outside even as the heinous act was being committed in the police station. When her relatives and the assembled crowd threatened to burn down the police chowky, the two guilty policemen, Ganpat and Tukaram, reluctantly agreed to file a panchnama.
The case came for hearing on 1st June, 1974 in the session’s court. The judgment however turned out to be in favour of the accused. Mathura was accused of being a liar. It was stated that since she was ‘habituated to sexual intercourse’ her consent was voluntary; under the circumstances only sexual intercourse could be proved and not rape.
On appeal the Nagpur bench of the Bombay High Court set aside the judgment of the Sessions Court, and sentenced the accused namely Tukaram and Ganpat to one and five years of rigorous imprisonment respectively. The Court held that passive submission due to fear induced by serious threats could not be construed as consent or willing sexual intercourse.
When the appeal was made to the Supreme Court, the Senior Counsel “Ram Jethmalani” while defending the accused Policemen divided the concept of consent into two i.e. Express and Implied consent. He said that there was not express consent but it was implied because Mathura raised no alarm, there was no tearing of clothes, no semen on clothes, no cry for help etc, he again said if there had not been any consent, there would have been at least a cry for help. These circumstances are enough to show that there was implied consent. The Supreme Court acquitted both the accused and held that Mathura had raised no alarm; and also that there were no visible marks of injury on her person thereby negating the struggle by her.
The Court in this case failed to comprehend that a helpless resignation in the face of inevitable compulsion or the passive giving in is no consent. However, the Criminal Law Amendment Act, 1983 has made a statutory provision in the face of Section.114 (A) of the Evidence Act , which states that if the victim girl says that she did no consent to the sexual intercourse, the Court shall presume that she did not consent.
In Mohd.Habib Vs State , the Delhi High Court allowed a rapist to go scot-free merely because there were no marks of injury on his penis- which the High Court presumed was a indication of no resistance. The most important facts such as the age of the victim (being seven years) and that she had suffered a ruptured hymen and the bite marks on her body were not considered by the High Court. Even the eye- witnesses who witnessed this ghastly act, could not sway the High Court’s judgment.
In State of Punjab vs. Gurmit Singh , the Supreme Court has advised the lower judiciary, that even if the victim girl is shown to be habituated to sex, the Court should not describe her to be of loose character.
The Supreme Court has in the case of State of Maharashtra Vs. Madhukar N. Mardikar , held that “the unchastity of a woman does not make her open to any and every person to violate her person as and when he wishes. She is entitled to protect her person if there is an attempt to violate her person against her wish. She is equally entitled to the protection of law. Therefore merely because she is of easy virtue, her evidence cannot be thrown overboard.”
In Delhi Domestic Working Women v. Union of India , the Apex Court laid down the following broad guidelines:
• The complainants of sexual assault cases should be provided with legal representation i.e. they should be provided an advocate who could help her properly.
• Legal assistance will have to be provided at the police station since victim of sexual assault might very well be in a distressed state upon arrival at the police station and guidance of a lawyer at that stage is very necessary.
• The police should be under duty to inform the victim of her right to representation before any questions were asked of her and that the police report should state that the victim was so informed.
• A list of advocates who deal in these cases should be kept at the police station for victims who did not have a particular lawyer in mind or whose own lawyer was unavailable.
• In all rape trials anonymity of victim must be maintained, as far as necessary.
• A “Criminal Injuries Compensation Board” should be established.
• Interim compensation should be given to rape victim even if the case is still going on in the court.
• Medical help should be provided and woman should be allowed to abort the child if she becomes pregnant due to the incidence.
• Compensation should be provided to rape victim to rehabilitate herself.
In B. Gautam v. Shubra Chakraborthy , it was held that Rs. 1000 per month should be given to rape victim as an interim compensation.
In Chairman, Railway Board vs. Chandrima Das , a practicing Advocate of the Calcutta High Court filed a petition under Article.226 of the Constitution of India against the various railway authorities of the eastern railway claiming compensation for the victim (Smt. Hanufa Khatoon) – a Bangladesh national- who was raped at the Howrah Station, by the railway security men. The High Court awarded Rs.10 lacs as compensation.
An appeal was preferred and it was contended by the state that:
a) The railway was not liable to pay the compensation to the victim for she was a foreigner.
b) That the remedy for compensation lies in the domain of private law and not public law. i.e. that the victim should have approached the Civil Court for seeking damages; and should have not come to the High Court under Article.226.
Considering the above said contentions, the Supreme Court observed:
“Where public functionaries are involved and the matter relates to the violation of fundamental rights or the enforcement of public duties, the remedy would be avoidable under public law. It was more so, when it was not a mere violation of any ordinary right, but the violation of fundamental rights was involved- as the petitioner was a victim of rape, which a violation of fundamental right of every person guaranteed under Article.21 of the Constitution.”
The Supreme Court also held that the relief can be granted to the victim for two reasons- firstly, on the ground of domestic jurisprudence based on the Constitutional provisions; and secondly, on the ground of Human Rights Jurisprudence based on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948 which has international recognition as the ‘Moral Code of Conduct’- adopted by the General Assembly of the United Nation.
Causes of Increased Rape Cases in India:
Rape, molestation and abductions, the crimes are numerous but low conviction rates for the same is one of the major reasons for the growing number of offences against women, point out experts.
“Apart from other factors, the low conviction rate in the cases of rape is the biggest worry we have today. There is hardly any deterrence. Law should provide fast track courts to deal with such cases,” says Girija Vyas, Chairperson, National Commission for Women (NCW).
While there were 37,000 cases of molestation and eve-teasing in 2006-07, the conviction rate for such crimes, is below 30 per cent. For rape it is just a dismal 27 per cent.
Brinda Karat, All India Democratic Women’s Association (AIDWA), member says, “I have raised the issue in the Parliament several times that there is a need to step up conviction rate in rape cases drastically. Poor legal system, wrong understanding of policemen in these cases and lengthy procedures especially in child rape where after horrifying rounds of investigation the victim starts feeling that she is an accused and should not have registered the case, are few reasons for low conviction rate.”
“In every 10 hours, a girl of the age of 1-10 is being raped in India. We are raising this issue and have demanded enforcement of stringent laws by government,” she adds.
Reacting to a recent incident in which a minor was raped by a constable and his accomplice in a moving car in the national capital, Vyas says, “This is a special case and it should be dealt with a fast track court. On many occasions, complains do not get registered on time and then it is very difficult to prove that rape actually happened. It should be registered within 24 hours of the incident.”
The accused believe they can get away with it. Officials are corrupt and easily bribed (some are even committing rapes themselves). Women are shamed and humiliated when they come forward because of the backward notion that it’s the woman’s fault (even when the ‘women’ are young children). If they make a case, it becomes public knowledge and their families and society shun them in many cases as they are then seen as ‘damaged goods’. If unmarried they will have great difficulty getting married. Courts don’t always do justice for the victim and find rapists not guilty for ridiculous reasons.
Predators know this and take advantage of it. Even if they get caught, if they have enough money or influence, nothing will happen to them. A woman would have to turn the case into a media circus to have a chance at justice and 90% of rape victims in India would not do so out of fear and shame .
There is a need for review in certain provisions under various laws related to rape so that victims get justice.
The National Commission for Women has identified nine areas for review . These are:
1. Review of the definition of rape
2. Reduction of procedural delays
3.Uniformity in age of consent under sections 375 and 376 of Indian Penal Code, 1860, to bring it in conformity with the Child Marriage Restraint Act, 1869
4. Whether exception to section 375 should be deleted
5. Whether section 155 clause 4 of the Indian Evidence Act 1872 needs to be amended or deleted.
6. Whether statutory provisions are needed for compensation to the rape victim
7. Whether provisions for counseling legal aid should be made mandatory under laws.
8. Death penalty to persons convicted for rape
9. Recommendation for enhancement of punishment in cases where the accused, with the knowledge of suffering from HIV infection/AIDS, infects the victim as a result of rape.
Conclusion:
The courts and the legislature have to make many changes if the laws of rape are to be any deterrence. The sentence of punishment, which normally ranges from one to ten years, where on an average most convicts get away with three to four years of rigorous imprisonment with a very small fine; and in some cases, where the accused is resourceful or influential- may even expiate by paying huge amounts of money and get exculpated. The courts have to comprehend the fact that these conscienceless criminals- who sometimes even beat and torture their victims- who even include small children, are not going to be deterred or ennobled by such a small time of imprisonment. Therefore, in the best interest of justice and the society, these criminals should be sentenced to life imprisonment.
Law remains but the number of victims (including minor) continues to increase destroying the very soul of the helpless women. The concept of marital rape does not exist in India. Contrary to the popular belief rape is almost never perpetrated for sexual gratification. It is an ‘acts of violence that happens to be expressed through sexual means’.
The Amendment 1983 has brought about some important changes in the existing laws of rape as a response to the growing public opinion demanding more stringent anti rape laws. It amends Section 376 IPC and enhances the punishment of rape it also provides enhanced punishment of minimum of 10 years of imprisonment for police officers or staff of jail, the remand homes or other places of custody established by law. The Act further inserts a new Section 114-A IEA, by raising a presumption as to absence of consent in cases of custodial rape, rape on pregnant women and gang rape at least partially, removed the infirmity from the evidence of a victim of rape that was hitherto unjustly attached to her testimony without taking note of the fact that in India, unlike the occident a disclosure of the girls identity, rehabilitation in society for all times to come and unless her story was painfully true she would not have taken such a grave risk merely to malign the accused.
Severe and certain punishment in a time bound manner, of the rapists has some deterrent value. Arrest alone may not constitute a strong societal response. Lengthy prison sentences have some behavior-altering deterrent values. Many well-known jurists and public men have advocated capital punishment for the criminals who commit rape as it is an offence worse than murder so far as its impact is concerned. Still there is need for amending the anomaly related to the age of consent, and of wife in accordance with the Marriage Act in India.

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