Minding the four-letter word

Minding the four-letter word

It’s a problem that has changed little in complexion downthe generations. How should parents deal with children using swear words at home? And if kids don’t swear at home, should parents be okay with their kids swearing outside? Who sets the limits and — the biggest problem — what are the limits? “Kids should never speak bad language in front of their parents,” says Queenie Singh, jewellery designer and mother of two teenagers, Tiara and Rajveer. “There are limits to the kind of language my kids can use in the house — mainly limits of decorum and decency. I consider their saying ‘shut up’ in the house as rude. Or ‘Don’t be stupid’.” “When I was growing up, I didn’t know that the word ‘f***’even existed,” exclaims choreographer Sharmilla Khanna, mother of a teenaged daughter, Shaan. “Given that times have changed so much, I wouldn’t stop Shaan from saying ‘damn’ and ‘stupid’, which were once considered taboo, even in front of me.” Sharmilla adds that what she considers really offensive is when her daughter says ‘Just chill mom’ because it suggests that she as a motherdoesn’t know anything. “When my daughter was in the 10th grade, she did pick up an offensive word that she used, and I had to correct her. Even when she’s talking on the phone with her friends, I don’t permit her to use four-letter words,” she says. But how do parents react when kids do swear in front of them? “I did hear one of my daughters utter a word once that was on our blacklist, and I had to explain to her that it was shocking to say something like that even if she’d picked it up from an adult,” says businesswoman and entrepreneur Gayatri Ruia, “I told them that one doesn’t need to use bad language to express themselves and that neither her father nor I use bad language. I also had to give them a logical explanation about why some adults use bad language.” Jewellery designer Poonam Soni, however, finds the issue more complicated. “I was watching Rowdy Rathore the other day and freaked out with all the blood, gore and abusive language in the film. Kids are exposed to so many influences, and bad language is all over films and television. Parents are in a dilemma over setting the parameters.” Businesswoman Reena Wadhwa says that her children Karan, 21, and Nikita ,19, have been given the space to use racy language when they’re with their friends. “Though four letter words are unacceptable in my house, we can’t really afford to overreact if something not-too-harmful is inadvertently used in our presence. Our reaction would be guarded in that case. They have to respect us and not go over-the-top with slang in our presence,” she says.