Experts say that schools should help pupils see marriage as ‘the most important decision they make’. Survey after survey reveals that many young people struggle with relationships. But many parents feel embarrassed to talk about relationships and sex, especially if they’ve experienced relationship breakdown themselves.
It’s imperative that RSE (relationship and sex education) classes arm pupils with solid advice that helps them address real relationship themes affecting them in countless ways, and which will affect every serious relationship they have in the future. Learn the ‘Five F Factors’ before committing to each other. These determine long-term compatibility and harmony and are also the cause of many divorces: Finances and how much you agree or disagree on spending and saving Family and how much time you are willing to spend with your respective families Friendships and what part they play in your day-to-day life Fun and leisure and how you may have very different expectations for how to spend, such as on weekends and holidays Frisky factor and your sexual compatibility
MARRIAGE WON’T FIX A BAD RELATIONSHIP
Always keep in mind that the problems you have remain the same after marriage unless you work on them. Also, don’t go into marriage believing love will conquer all, because it doesn’t. For instance, it’s totally unrealistic to believe that if you give your partner all your love, they’ll change issues they have like addiction. What you see is the personality you get. The person they are doesn’t miraculously change with a wedding band. If they are unreliable, disrespectful or unfaithful, this will continue after your vows unless you work it out together.
TALKING AND LISTENING
Many teens fear rejection, and that they don’t want to risk asking for something they need within the relationship. Also, many adults get into the trap of believing they’re mind readers when it comes to what their partners want. Learning to truly listen is vital for any successful long-term relationship.
A WEDDING ISN’T THE SAME AS A MARRIAGE
Many people get so involved in the excitement building to the big day that they struggle afterwards, wishing the excitement could continue. Keep one foot on the ground when caught up in your wedding plans. Married life will have more highs for you to enjoy but it’ll also have lows.
CHERISH YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
It’s essential that youngsters learn about building self-esteem and how good relationships are impossible without good selfesteem. With mental health issues on the rise in teens, far too many struggle. Good self-esteem is all about knowing who their partner is, accepting that their feelings count, and recognising when they need support. It includes having the self-belief that they can move forward successfully with a person, and will not crumble in the face of life.
RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Many teenagers struggle to understand what self-respect and respect mean. It’s about valuing themselves and their needs, and equally valuing their partner’s needs. Lack of self–respect makes it difficult for them to set boundaries when a boyfriend or girlfriend treats them badly. Equally, they need to be aware of how to respect a partner, and to accept it when they say yes or no to something. It’s essential for the youth realise that relationships are two-way streets. They must share responsibility for the well-being of their relationship, whatever their age. The key to good sex isn’t romance and spontaneity; it’s punctuality.
NEVER BE PRESSURED INTO SEX UNTIL YOU ARE READY
Whether 17 or 37, nobody should ever have sex before they’re ready. If you’re nurturing your self-esteem and respecting yourself, you’ll be able to tell your partner you’re not ready. You’ll also be able to set boundaries on any further pressure. And again, if you aren’t sexually compatible before you commit, suddenly having a ring on your finger won’t change that.
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP
Everyone has an idea of what romance or a relationship should be like. Such ideas can become absolute expectations. Everyone should expect to feel valued within a relationship in order to have fun and grow in understanding of their partner and themselves as well as seek solutions together when hurdles arise.
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY
Sometimes it seems easier to make promises when actually you know you probably can’t keep them. If you can’t do something, be honest. This makes for a far healthier relationship. If you make a commitment based on a lie, even if you think it’s a white one, it will always come back to bite you later.
KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS DAMAGING YOU
At first everything seemed so good, but as time goes by, your boyfriend or girlfriend lets you down. Maybe they let you down with plans, or ridicule you. There is a key lesson here. If you wouldn’t behave that way to them, they shouldn’t to you. If discussing the issue with them doesn’t help, it’s time to realise you shouldn’t stay in a damaging relationship and neither time nor a wedding will fix it.
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