If you’ve ever been cheated on by your partner, then you know the hurt and trauma the experience can leave you with. It’s very difficult to fathom the person’s very existence in your life and it’s even more difficult to forgive them and move on from the incident. While nothing can justify the act of infidelity, there are times you wish you could truly reverse things around.
Some people often wish to genuinely forgive their cheating partners and carry on a life with them, but they don’t know how to completely let go. The incident crops up like a bad Monday and stays till the day is over. If you truly want to forgive your partner and take them back into your life, it’s possible. But you have to show resilience, patience and faith in order to completely let go and begin a new chapter with them. These five steps can help you...
1 ASK YOURSELF IMPERATIVE QUESTIONS
The most important way to rationalise the situation is to ask pertinent questions to yourself. The first and foremost question is, whether or not they’re worth forgiving. If you think the answer to that is yes, then start asking other important questions. Some questions you can ask are:
Have they cheated in the past?
If they have cheated in the past, then you know it’s a recurring pattern in their behaviour and they need a strong reminder that they can’t get away scot-free each time.
Why did they cheat?
Sometimes, honest mistakes do happen. You know your partner the best. If you think they genuinely made a mistake, then try looking at the situation from their side. Put yourself in their shoes and figure things out.
Can you trust them again?
If you instinctively believe they will not slip or falter in future, then carry on analysing the situation deeper. The most important thing one loses out on is trust and it’s tough to regain it.
Was your relationship going through a bad stretch?
When your partner cheated on you, was your relationship going through a downer? Sometimes, when relationships go through a bad patch, people look for distractions in order to validate their own existence. If that’s the case, maybe work on the relationship simultaneously.
Are they sorry and regretful?
They should be apologetic and regretful about the situation. If they aren’t, well, then you know how they feel about it. Maybe, an apology doesn’t fix everything, but it’s assuring to know that the person who hurt you, is also hurting themselves.
2 GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE
It’s very important to give yourself space and time to completely recover from the incident. It’s also important to not have them around constantly because of the disappointment you still hold towards what they did. If you’re living in with your partner, ask them to move out for a few days or you move out in order to give yourself the space and time that you truly deserve. This also means cutting off from each other temporarily and ceasing communication in order to get a healthy break and think things over.
3 START FROM SCRATCH
Now that you’ve achieved closure on what you went through, it’s time to start fresh. There is no point going back and forth on what’s happened. You have to let go of the past, without bringing it up in the future again. You have to be willing to start the relationship with a clean slate.
4 HAVE THE FINAL CONVERSATION
After giving each other significant time away, meet up for one final conversation. It’s okay to ask your partner all sorts of questions and details about everything you need to know to salvage the relationship. If your partner’s willingness to answer these questions is dim, then it’s not worth the effort. If you have no questions, but some conditions to put down in order to prevent this from happening again, feel free to do that, too.
5 TRUST AND CHANGE
There are two things you need to build when you give someone another chance. The first is trust. If you can learn to trust the person again, you’ve won half the battle. If you think you cannot trust them again in the future, then you have to let go. The other thing is change. There is a possibility that you partner cheated because there something was lacking in your relationship. Try and change things around. No, not for them, but for yourself.
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