I’ve been a sportsman. My 14-year-old dislikes sports and refuses to get into any sport. It worries me as a father.
At a certain level, I’m touched that you acknowledge your disappointment as a father. As parents, we tend to live our dreams through our children and want them to meet our expectations. Not necessarily for selfish reasons but because every parent wants his child to be the best. However, only some parents are fortunate to have their children’s goals match with their expectations. We live in rapidly changing times, where new job avenues are being created every few years. What your 14-year-old son is going to do in his life may be very different from what you can even visualise. He may not be interested in sports and that has nothing to do with the fact that you have been a sportsman. He is his own individual self and you must respect that. Perhaps your constant nagging is driving him away from sports because it is rare to see a 14-year-old boy not liking sports. Just take it easy for a change. Talk to him about his interests and try finding out why he has the aversion. A conversation is any day better than an inflexible stand you may be taking. Slowly, if he has genuine interest and gets some reassuring advice from you, he will come around and decide to play a sport. Encourage him rather than pointing faults when he is picking up a sport. He may also be feeling some kind of complex that he may not be as good as you and that is something only you can help him get rid of. Perhaps you could be a partner in his sport and in the process teach him.
My seven-year-old refuses to take any kind of feedback and behaves like he is always right. He never accepts defeat. He is fine when he is alone but starts to become very stubborn when there is company around. He seems to be aware of his bad behaviour and openly defies anything he doesn’t like. Perhaps he is an attention seeker but how do I handle him?
Your seven-year-old definitely seems to have a strong and dominating personality, which is great if used in a constructive way that builds self-confidence. However, if we do a reality check, such kids would find it difficult to learn adaptive skills to handle challenges. The fact that he keeps looking for validation and reassurance means that he is unsure. Defiance is some kind of defence mechanism. I would recommend a firm stand which, while giving him comfort, does not give him false over-confidence. Sensitising the children at a young age to more inclusive and tolerant behaviour is important for them to remain grounded. He should get the message that mistakes are human and acceptable and that all of us lose and fail in life. Your reaction to his actions should be appropriate. Most often parents are over sensitive and the exaggerated response is harmful. And sometimes, even if you are overseeing his actions, try to show that you are ignoring. The attention that he is always seeking will slowly reduce when he sees that no eyes are on him.
At a certain level, I’m touched that you acknowledge your disappointment as a father. As parents, we tend to live our dreams through our children and want them to meet our expectations. Not necessarily for selfish reasons but because every parent wants his child to be the best. However, only some parents are fortunate to have their children’s goals match with their expectations. We live in rapidly changing times, where new job avenues are being created every few years. What your 14-year-old son is going to do in his life may be very different from what you can even visualise. He may not be interested in sports and that has nothing to do with the fact that you have been a sportsman. He is his own individual self and you must respect that. Perhaps your constant nagging is driving him away from sports because it is rare to see a 14-year-old boy not liking sports. Just take it easy for a change. Talk to him about his interests and try finding out why he has the aversion. A conversation is any day better than an inflexible stand you may be taking. Slowly, if he has genuine interest and gets some reassuring advice from you, he will come around and decide to play a sport. Encourage him rather than pointing faults when he is picking up a sport. He may also be feeling some kind of complex that he may not be as good as you and that is something only you can help him get rid of. Perhaps you could be a partner in his sport and in the process teach him.
My seven-year-old refuses to take any kind of feedback and behaves like he is always right. He never accepts defeat. He is fine when he is alone but starts to become very stubborn when there is company around. He seems to be aware of his bad behaviour and openly defies anything he doesn’t like. Perhaps he is an attention seeker but how do I handle him?
Your seven-year-old definitely seems to have a strong and dominating personality, which is great if used in a constructive way that builds self-confidence. However, if we do a reality check, such kids would find it difficult to learn adaptive skills to handle challenges. The fact that he keeps looking for validation and reassurance means that he is unsure. Defiance is some kind of defence mechanism. I would recommend a firm stand which, while giving him comfort, does not give him false over-confidence. Sensitising the children at a young age to more inclusive and tolerant behaviour is important for them to remain grounded. He should get the message that mistakes are human and acceptable and that all of us lose and fail in life. Your reaction to his actions should be appropriate. Most often parents are over sensitive and the exaggerated response is harmful. And sometimes, even if you are overseeing his actions, try to show that you are ignoring. The attention that he is always seeking will slowly reduce when he sees that no eyes are on him.
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