You're bound to say some tone-deaf things to your spouse every so often.
But there are some phrases you should absolutely never say. Read on to find out the most annoying things men report hearing from their spouses...
1 “NEVERMIND, I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF“
Marriage pro tip:When you ask your spouse to call the plumber to fix the sink,give him a chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying, “nevermind, I'll do it myself“ may result in you getting your sink fixed sooner, but it's also likely to rub your spouse the wrong way . “Chances are, he wants to help you and make you happy ,“ said Anne Crowley , a psychologist. “It's a frustrating phrase for a husband to hear because it suggests you don't think he's capable of completing the task and don't need him,“ she says.
2 “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN“
You're setting yourself up for disappoint ment if you expect your hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, said Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist. “Women become upset when their husbands can't read between the lines or read their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,“ he said. “Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and just ask for what they want,“ he adds.
3 “DO YOU THINK SHE'S HOT?“
Do you really want to know your hus band's thoughts about an attractive woman? Probably not? Plus, you're putting your spouse in an uncomfortable, no-win situation, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specialises in counselling men. “Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he's trying to respect you then he should be already trying not to look, so you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,“ he said.
4 “MAN UP“
Seriously? There's no right or wrong way to be a man. For your spouse's sake, let your gender expectations go and try having a civil conversation. “Telling your spouse to `man up' is a brutal attack on his core identity,“ says Smith. “It's a statement loaded with contempt and shame and could create relationship damage that will be difficult to heal,“ he says.
5 “WE NEED TO TALK“
No four words strike fear into a married man's heart quite like “we need to talk.“
Opt for something less ominous sounding the next time you bring up an issue, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist. “The phrase `we need to talk' is often a signal that the wife has complaints or criticism about the husband,“ she said. “He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish,“she adds.
6 “YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH THE GUYS AGAIN?“
Don't look at cricket meetups and golf trips as threats to your marriage. It's quite the opposite, actually; some time apart will likely do your rela tionship good, Howes said.“Yes, sometimes a guy's night is just an excuse to drink and fart but for many guys these are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get support and express some important emotions,“ he said. “Wives who feel threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a vital support system.“
“There's a good chance he'll actually be a better husband if he can compare notes with other husbands and dads,“he says.
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