MANNERS MAKETH A PARENT?
If you thought a finishing school is just for children and brides-in-waiting, think again. Even 60-year-olds are now signing up for etiquette classes on their children’s insistence,
Friends describe 15-year-old Shweta Pandey* as a bright and independent-thinking girl. Pandey is always at the top of her class, is a fantastic athlete, and is described as having a low threshold for ‘geeks’. In other words, she is the stuff teen TV shows like Gossip Girl are made of. But not everyone’s happy. Ask her mother, Gita*.
On March 4, 2010, Shweta turned 13 and decided to throw a party at home for her close friends. “Her papa and I decided to order Chinese food and serve it as a surprise since she loves Chinese food,” says Gita.
Shweta turned sour-faced when her mother used a spoon instead of a chopstick. “She looked so angry,” Gita chuckles. “After the party, Shweta told me that she told all her friends that I usually eat Chinese food with chopsticks!” But what amazed her more than the lie was the demand that followed: Shweta wanted her 44-year-old mother to join a finishing school. “We may not have the airs and graces of city-bred people, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t done well in life,” asks Gita, looking around the living room of her plush two-bedroom flat in Mahim.
Once, her daughter cut out a newspaper advertisement about a finishing school in Mumbai and kept it on top of Gita’s dresser. “But I had fried rice at the party,” says the exasperated mother. “How can I eat that with chopsticks?” An indignant Gita refused to go to a finishing school.
Sixty and still in school
Parents have begun to enroll for etiquette classes at finishing schools under the watchful eyes of their children — a trend that has been picking up pace steadily over the past few years. “Two years ago, I used to have a maximum of two families a month. But now, I get as many as three to four enquires from interested families in a week,” confirms Lt Rita Gangwani (Retd), a Delhi-based personality consultant.
“There are three types of such elderly students. Grandparents trying to connect with grandchildren. Two, parents whose children have married into more well-off families. And lastly, parents of school-going children. Some parents may not be very confident speaking publicly. Children compare their parents to others,” explains Gangwani. Children insist on accompanying their parents while enrolling them for a class. “The children often want to know what exactly we teach their parents,” says Gangwani. The most frequently requested for programmes are on dining etiquette, how to wear and carry off Western clothes, and speaking skills. “There are some parents who feel resentment. Those offended argue ‘Why do I need these classes.’” But Gangwani insists that parents end up having a great time at these classes and benefit hugely.
“My mother wears
only denim now”
Delhi-based consultant Anjali Bhalla from Lifelong Learning, conducts etiquette classes only for women. “20% of women in my classes have been enrolled by their children,” says Bhalla.
The generation gap between her mother and herself is what propelled Delhi-based 21-year-old college student Mohita Nangia to help her mother enroll for Bhalla’s etiquette class. “In our parents’ time, there was no concept of fine dining. You can’t blame them. That’s their upbringing,” says Nangia. “If we want our parents to come out with us to the kind of restaurants that we like to go to with friends, they should know these things,” says Nangia. “I heard about this particular class and went for it. I really liked it. I enrolled my mother for a six month ‘diamond’ course.” And so, at the age of 48, Nangia’s mother was taught to slip her feet into heels, eat, cook, dress up, put on make-up and take care of her wrinkles. Nangia is pleased with her mother’s transformation into what family members call ‘metrowalli’. “You won’t believe it, but now when we go out every weekend, she wears only denim. Astonished family members say ‘Didi, aap kitney badal chukey ho!’”
Bridging the
generation gap
With their manners in place, these classes also help parents see the bigger picture in a complex situation, like when children bring home a groom or bride of their own choice. “It’s not only about etiquette,” explains Prakriti Poddar, owner of the Mumbai-based Mind Over Image. “It’s also about getting the parents to understand what society is like today.”
Fifty-one-year-old Yogita Sinha* decided to enroll for etiquette classes on her own accord when her son broke the news that he has found his bride.
Sinha decided not to tell her family about the classes. To her, going for an etiquette class is akin to going for a treatment at a beauty parlour. “You go to the parlour to polish your looks and you go to an etiquette class to polish your manners. And you certainly don’t announce it to the world every time you go to the parlour, do you?” laughs Sinha.
Interestingly, classes can also help you to tone down your sophistication on request. Rita Gangwani remembers a lady whose daughter got married to someone from a lower economic background. “She wanted to unlearn everything that she knew to make the new in-laws feel comfortable and not conscious,” remembers Gangwani. “Obviously the other lady is not going to be covered in jewellery or draped in an expensive sari. She also had to stay away from sensitive topics like money.”
If you thought a finishing school is just for children and brides-in-waiting, think again. Even 60-year-olds are now signing up for etiquette classes on their children’s insistence,
Friends describe 15-year-old Shweta Pandey* as a bright and independent-thinking girl. Pandey is always at the top of her class, is a fantastic athlete, and is described as having a low threshold for ‘geeks’. In other words, she is the stuff teen TV shows like Gossip Girl are made of. But not everyone’s happy. Ask her mother, Gita*.
On March 4, 2010, Shweta turned 13 and decided to throw a party at home for her close friends. “Her papa and I decided to order Chinese food and serve it as a surprise since she loves Chinese food,” says Gita.
Shweta turned sour-faced when her mother used a spoon instead of a chopstick. “She looked so angry,” Gita chuckles. “After the party, Shweta told me that she told all her friends that I usually eat Chinese food with chopsticks!” But what amazed her more than the lie was the demand that followed: Shweta wanted her 44-year-old mother to join a finishing school. “We may not have the airs and graces of city-bred people, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t done well in life,” asks Gita, looking around the living room of her plush two-bedroom flat in Mahim.
Once, her daughter cut out a newspaper advertisement about a finishing school in Mumbai and kept it on top of Gita’s dresser. “But I had fried rice at the party,” says the exasperated mother. “How can I eat that with chopsticks?” An indignant Gita refused to go to a finishing school.
Sixty and still in school
Parents have begun to enroll for etiquette classes at finishing schools under the watchful eyes of their children — a trend that has been picking up pace steadily over the past few years. “Two years ago, I used to have a maximum of two families a month. But now, I get as many as three to four enquires from interested families in a week,” confirms Lt Rita Gangwani (Retd), a Delhi-based personality consultant.
“There are three types of such elderly students. Grandparents trying to connect with grandchildren. Two, parents whose children have married into more well-off families. And lastly, parents of school-going children. Some parents may not be very confident speaking publicly. Children compare their parents to others,” explains Gangwani. Children insist on accompanying their parents while enrolling them for a class. “The children often want to know what exactly we teach their parents,” says Gangwani. The most frequently requested for programmes are on dining etiquette, how to wear and carry off Western clothes, and speaking skills. “There are some parents who feel resentment. Those offended argue ‘Why do I need these classes.’” But Gangwani insists that parents end up having a great time at these classes and benefit hugely.
“My mother wears
only denim now”
Delhi-based consultant Anjali Bhalla from Lifelong Learning, conducts etiquette classes only for women. “20% of women in my classes have been enrolled by their children,” says Bhalla.
The generation gap between her mother and herself is what propelled Delhi-based 21-year-old college student Mohita Nangia to help her mother enroll for Bhalla’s etiquette class. “In our parents’ time, there was no concept of fine dining. You can’t blame them. That’s their upbringing,” says Nangia. “If we want our parents to come out with us to the kind of restaurants that we like to go to with friends, they should know these things,” says Nangia. “I heard about this particular class and went for it. I really liked it. I enrolled my mother for a six month ‘diamond’ course.” And so, at the age of 48, Nangia’s mother was taught to slip her feet into heels, eat, cook, dress up, put on make-up and take care of her wrinkles. Nangia is pleased with her mother’s transformation into what family members call ‘metrowalli’. “You won’t believe it, but now when we go out every weekend, she wears only denim. Astonished family members say ‘Didi, aap kitney badal chukey ho!’”
Bridging the
generation gap
With their manners in place, these classes also help parents see the bigger picture in a complex situation, like when children bring home a groom or bride of their own choice. “It’s not only about etiquette,” explains Prakriti Poddar, owner of the Mumbai-based Mind Over Image. “It’s also about getting the parents to understand what society is like today.”
Fifty-one-year-old Yogita Sinha* decided to enroll for etiquette classes on her own accord when her son broke the news that he has found his bride.
Sinha decided not to tell her family about the classes. To her, going for an etiquette class is akin to going for a treatment at a beauty parlour. “You go to the parlour to polish your looks and you go to an etiquette class to polish your manners. And you certainly don’t announce it to the world every time you go to the parlour, do you?” laughs Sinha.
Interestingly, classes can also help you to tone down your sophistication on request. Rita Gangwani remembers a lady whose daughter got married to someone from a lower economic background. “She wanted to unlearn everything that she knew to make the new in-laws feel comfortable and not conscious,” remembers Gangwani. “Obviously the other lady is not going to be covered in jewellery or draped in an expensive sari. She also had to stay away from sensitive topics like money.”
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