How to bully-proof your children





Long after finishing school, Yash Thakur (name changed), who is now working as a financial advisor, suddenly showed signs of depression as he tried his best to stay ahead in the race.After consulting the psychiatrist, he found that it was a side-effect of being bullied in school that made him wary of his colleagues, too. According to a study , bullying in early childhood leads to psychiatric disorders in adulthood since there are proven links between bullying and mental health disorders like depression and anxiety , and even more with heartbreaks and suicide, as kids age.Apart from the regular tactics in school corridors, children now have to deal with cyber-bullying, which is increasingly common and more dangerous.

RECOGNISE THE SIGNS

A child who experiences bullying dis plays varied behavioural changes when at home. Apart from noticeable physical scars, signs of emotional upheaval are also obvious -refusing to go to school because of health complaints, bad dreams, losing interest in activities, falling grades, not able to make friends and being sad and depressed are some of them.
Rashi Anand, child psychologist and family therapist, advises, “Parents should keenly observe the child's behaviour and talk to them if they find something amiss. They need to win the confidence of the child so heshe can confess if they are being bullied.Parents must stay calm, keeping in mind the child's sensitivity and anger at that moment. Listen patiently.Discuss as a family how this can be taken forward, and resolved, and reassure your child that it is not his her fault.“ The fear of rejection and being made fun of is always on the mind of a child and it is possible that heshe may not be able to express his feelings to even hisher near and dear ones. It is up to the parent and also the school teachercounsellor to notice these changes and cajole the child into narrating hisher experiences without any fear. Schools and parents have to emphasise on speaking up, so that kids don't feel it is taboo.

WHAT THE SCHOOLS MUST DO

While most schools are strict in their policy towards bullying, some are also beginning to institute anti-bullying programmes. After initiating these programmes, they should also be studied on a regular basis to ensure that they are functioning according to the norms and are helping students. These need to involve the PTA as well as moms and dads.

DEAL WITH BULLYING STEP BY STEP

When a parent comes to know that their child is being bullied, be sympathetic to their problems, and never blame them for bringing on the bullies.Talk to the child's teacher and make a formal complaint with the school administration. If a protocol is in place, it is best that the parents follow the same. Be specific and give details of the incidents. Many schools these days are under CCTV surveillance, which is helpful.
In the meantime, seek help for the child. Encourage himher to talk about it and don't hesitate to take professional help if needed. Advise the child to talk to the teacher or counsellor the next time heshe feels is becoming the target. Keep a watch on their activities without making it very obvious to the child or the one who is bullying himher.
Spend extra time with them. Also remember that heshe will have other adjustment problems and the anger of being bullied might spill on to hisher behaviour with family members. So, take them into confidence and try to keep a normal, happy atmosphere at home where the child will feel secure.
Encourage them to make new friends and if heshe feels that they are physically weaker, enroll them into fitness and self-defence classes.