Loosening the apron strings
Just when do you allow your child to take decisions on his/her life? Celebrities and experts discuss…
It’s a well known fact that as children grow up, they gradually need to become more responsible for their lives and loosen the apron strings that tie them to their parents making decisions for them. But the process is actually a complex reality that both parents and children tackle on a day-to-day basis, sometimes even on an episodic basis. The moot question remains: just how much independence should parents grant their children at a particular stage of life?
Says jewellery designer Queenie Singh, who has a teenage daughter Tiara and a son, “We hope to rear our children with New Age upbringing, making them as independent as we possibly can. Yet we can’t let them be entirely independent as teenagers.” Accessories designer Malini Agarwalla cut the umbilical cord with her children by sending them to study abroad. “When children live away from their parents for a while when they’re growing up, they learn to become more responsible for their lives,” she opines. “Of course every child is different and it’s for the mother to judge when a child is ready to venture away from home pastures.” She feels that parenting can be a conflict between being protective about one’s child and allowing them to be independent.
Psychotherapist Seema Hingorrany sees the growing up relationship between child and parent as a question of granting the child psychological autonomy. “It is very important to encourage that the child develop his or her own thinking process instead of always having the parents think and decide for them.” She feels that from the age of 15, the child increasingly gains a grip on making decisions. “It’s important to mentor the child, but a parent shouldn’t take decisions on the child’s behalf after he or she has reached the age of 21. The important thing is to never attack the child or question the validity of his/her intelligence. Never say something like ‘I’ll decide for you because you’re dumb and make mistakes all the time’. It’s also important for a parent to accept their child’s mistakes gracefully.”
Adds Seema, “While it’s important for a parent to talk to a child about their successes, it’s equally important for the parent to talk about their failures.”
Just when do you allow your child to take decisions on his/her life? Celebrities and experts discuss…
It’s a well known fact that as children grow up, they gradually need to become more responsible for their lives and loosen the apron strings that tie them to their parents making decisions for them. But the process is actually a complex reality that both parents and children tackle on a day-to-day basis, sometimes even on an episodic basis. The moot question remains: just how much independence should parents grant their children at a particular stage of life?
Says jewellery designer Queenie Singh, who has a teenage daughter Tiara and a son, “We hope to rear our children with New Age upbringing, making them as independent as we possibly can. Yet we can’t let them be entirely independent as teenagers.” Accessories designer Malini Agarwalla cut the umbilical cord with her children by sending them to study abroad. “When children live away from their parents for a while when they’re growing up, they learn to become more responsible for their lives,” she opines. “Of course every child is different and it’s for the mother to judge when a child is ready to venture away from home pastures.” She feels that parenting can be a conflict between being protective about one’s child and allowing them to be independent.
Psychotherapist Seema Hingorrany sees the growing up relationship between child and parent as a question of granting the child psychological autonomy. “It is very important to encourage that the child develop his or her own thinking process instead of always having the parents think and decide for them.” She feels that from the age of 15, the child increasingly gains a grip on making decisions. “It’s important to mentor the child, but a parent shouldn’t take decisions on the child’s behalf after he or she has reached the age of 21. The important thing is to never attack the child or question the validity of his/her intelligence. Never say something like ‘I’ll decide for you because you’re dumb and make mistakes all the time’. It’s also important for a parent to accept their child’s mistakes gracefully.”
Adds Seema, “While it’s important for a parent to talk to a child about their successes, it’s equally important for the parent to talk about their failures.”
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