HERE’S THE TACKY GIFTS KI DICTIONARY

HERE’S THE TACKY GIFTS KI DICTIONARY

If you think you don’t really have to rack your brains for the perfect gift for your partner and that a ‘sweet’ teddy will suffice, here’s a reality check on why you must put more thought into giving a present

 

FLOWER OR FEELOWER) KARAN JOHAR DEFINITION: “Agar tum kisi ladki se pyaar karte ho, toh usse red rose do.”  

ASLI DEFINITION:. Handing your girl a rose can only imply two things – a) you forgot it was her birthday or special day and chose the easiest option available aka stopping your car at the phoolwallah outside his/her colony, which makes you kind of a jerk; b) you remembered it was her day and this is pretty much the most creative thing you came up with, which makes you kind of a loser. USAGE: Though a rose by any other name would have smelled just as sweet, as a gift, it pretty much stinks. (Sorry Shakespeare, KJo) 

GREETING CARD, BETTER KNOWN IN INDIA AS JUST ‘CARD’
DEFINITION: A piece of decorative paper with hearts drawn on it, and generic mushy things written on it.
YOUR PARTNER’S DEFINITION OF IT: Forget what’s actually written on that card, because the only thing your sweetheart will read when he/she opens it is that — “out of all the diamonds, fancy gadgets, designer clothes and pretty much everything else available in the market, I thought you were only worth this Rs 20 card.” 

 

CHEAP JEWELLERY DEFINITION: Not expensive jewellery. This one figures as the worst gift in a lot of surveys. Mainly because gifting cheap jewellery means a) you can’t afford to buy her expensive jewellery or b) you don’t want to buy her expensive jewellery. Either way, it doesn’t look too good for you, mate. 

 

Prateik’s trying to get rid of his Amy tattoo

TATTOO (OF YOUR PARTNER’S NAME) WHAT IT CERTAINLY DOESN’T MEAN: That you’re Saif Ali Khan/David Beckham WHAT IT COULD MEAN: You’re an idiot, because he/she is going to leave you someday and if you don’t have the money/pain threshold to go through tattoo removal, you will either have to date a person of the same name all your life or spend a lot of time explaining. USAGE: Preferably on Halloween, rather than Valentine’s Day. This will really freak out your partner. 

 

TEDDY BEAR (TADDY BEER IN DELHI VERNACULAR) DEFINITION OF A TEDDY BEAR: A soft toy, meant for children. Usually the colour brown or grey like bears are, normal sized.
RAJOURI GARDEN DEFINITION OF A TEDDY BEAR: A soft toy meant for adults. Red or pink in colour, with a big heart stuffed between it’s hands that says “Sweetheart” on it. Twice as big (and scarier) than an actual grizzly bear. 

 
NOTHING DEFINITION: No gift YOUR DEFINITION OF IT: Maybe I will say I have a surprise planned and by the end of the day a gift will magically materialise. Maybe I will conjure one up through my power of telekinesis.
A MORE REALISTIC DEFINITION: You’re dead! 

CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE COMPANIES’ DEFINITION: The perfect sweet and seductive treat for your partner this V-Day.
YOUR PARTNER’S DEFINITION: An act of sabotage. USAGE: “You gave me a box of chocolates? Why are you ruining my diet?!!!” (*throws box of chocolates at you). 

 
WEIGHT LOSS PRODUCTS DEFINITION: All gift items/services to help aid your partner’s weight loss like weight-loss packages, workout gear, diet chocolates or gym memberships. 

YOUR PARTNER’S DEFINTION: You &%^$&*%*!!! English translation: You are dead 

 

LONG DRIVE BABA SEHGAL DEFINITION: Aaja meri gaadi mein baith jaa. Entails gaanabajana, khaana-peena.
YOUR PARTNER’S DEFINITION: Lame! 

 
GIFT VOUCHERS DEFINITION: Something your nani would give you for your birthday, which makes it as romantic as plucking nose hair. YOUR PARTNER’S DEFINITION: You’re giving me this because you have no idea what I actually like. It’s because you never listen to me. Are you listening to me right now? Switch off the TV and LISTEN TO ME.... —Kritika Kapoor