Can’t commit? Debunking the popular belief that commitment phobia is essentially a guy phenomenon, experts help analyse the condition

Can’t commit?

Debunking the popular belief that commitment phobia is essentially a guy phenomenon, experts help analyse the condition

It’s absolutely fine to love your single status too much and hence fearing to commit, and even flaunting it with much pride. But experts say that it may not always be as salubrious, especially if you are stepping up on the age chart. Psychiatrist Hemant Mittal gives us an insight. “There are three major causes that lead to commitment phobia. It could be because of a post-traumatic disorder where the person has suffered from a failed relationship and hence feels scarred for life,” he says, adding, “Certain people have high needs of individuality and they feel that they would lose control of their lives if they commit. And in the third case, it could be clinical depression that is hampering a person from making a commitment.” Hemant further reveals that in most cases that he’s come across, it is the case of a failed former relationship that makes a person phobic to commitment in personal relationships. Sharin Paul, 23, a Mumbai-based media professional, expresses her views. “My best friend once asked me to go consult a psychiatrist as I am the only one in my friend circle who is single. I see my friends around who are into dating business and, believe me, they just make me value the space I am in. I’m branded as a commitment phobe, but I think it’s only if I have to commit to one. I don’t mind making multiple commitments, at all,” she says grinning. “Committing to a person is like investing heftily in one thing when you have the brighter option of making many, smaller investments. Isn’t that so much wiser?” she laughs. However, in the case of Arnab Lal, 28, a lawyer, things aren’t so easy. “My parents want me to get married and I’m so not prepared.” Banker Abhradeep Pal says, “The simple idea of having to share my space with someone gives me jitters. I can’t imagine spending every day with the same person. Commitment is simply not my cup of tea.” The condition is, also to a great extent, determined by the person’s age. And as Hemant explains, “It is fine if you are, say 25, and refuse to commit because there are a lot of opportunities for you still, but what if you’re older and it’s time for you to plan your life? What if it’s hampering your personal life? In such cases, it is a sort of disorder which requires some serious attention, and the person should resort to medication and counseling.” And while it is believed to be a ‘guy phenomenon’, Mittal dismisses it as a myth. “I think it’s irrespective of gender. It’s more closely associated with men as they are more flamboyant about it than women,” he explains.