Prevent your teenager from becoming the mean `LiLo girl'

Prevent your teenager from becoming the mean `LiLo girl'



A new study has found that if you want to decrease the “mean girl“ behaviour in teenagers, such as Lindsay Lohan portrayed in the 2004 film of the same name, hold an intervention.

Mean girls more often than not have mean parents! Psychologist Varkha Chulani says, “Meanness is a learnt behaviour. So one learns this through observation of how people behave at home, and at other places where the child spends the most time. So, if a child sees hisher grandparents and parents behaving nastily with their house help, neighbours, etc, then she gets used to ascertaining that this is `normal'.“

Here is how you can prevent your teenager from being a mean LiLo girl: Set a good example It's very important for mothers to know that young teen girls consciously and subconsciously emulate them. Mothers are the first role models; the way you dress up, your gestures and behaviour patterns slowly get imprinted on your teen's mind.To impart healthy behaviour patterns, it's important that mothers themselves should be kind and compassionate with family , friends and their spouse. Chulani says, “Become an example for your child.Parents, especially mothers, influence girls more than they can imagine. So, if you set good examples for her, then that's the best way to prevent the mean streak in kids.“

Point out that being mean has never helped anybody . Give examples of how mean people are usually , over time, alienated by society . That by being mean, she will slowly start losing friends and become lonely . Tell her that it's only for the time being that she will get pleasure by being mean. Let her realise the long term consequences of her actions.Never vent out your family frustrations in front of your teens Psychologist Seema Hingorrany says, “The root cause of being mean and selfish is also when your teen girl is harbouring resentment and hostility in her mind for the harm she feels is done to you. She will not comprehend that your emotional display was temporary . This is the starting point of being mean and it slowly gets woven in the fabric of one's personality .Mothers need to be very careful when they are narrating or are on an emotional overdrive about their in-laws, friends or any other family members.“

Make your teenage daughter confident Meanness is often a result of jealousy and jealousy is often a result of low selfesteem. “If you feel that your child is mean, then look for signs of inferiority in her. If she is insecure and suffers from inferiority complex, then help your child to develop self assurance. That is the crux,“ says Chulani.Be positive with your teens The language you use with your teen should be full of positive and warm statements. The more you appreciate and express love, the more she extends this warmth outside her family domain.Hingorrany says, “Have you heard that teens are the reflections of their parents? One way to make your teen learn new patterns is to establish sharing or exchange of kind words every day . This will make sure the rudeness and meanness is at bay .“

Be an active listener As your teen grows older, and develops new interest and friends, she seeks validation. This circle needs to be completed at home. Secure children are always happy and non-judgmental. They are always kind and compassionate. Hingorrany adds, “Always listen to what your teenager has to say , maintain eye-contact and be focused. The more she feels loved and accepted, the negative feelings will dissipate.“

Correct her when she is mean When your teen is stepping out of the boundaries and starts becoming mean to other relatives or friends, it's the mother's fundamental duty to make sure that this behaviour pattern is tamed. Communicate with your teen the consequences of being a mean child. Do so with adequate reasoning and calmness. Just dismissing the teen and telling her she is a bad girl might exacerbate the problem. Teens are like malleable clay , moulding largely depends on how we gently handle it. It's a learning process for both the parents and her young teenage daughter. Even if you falter, keep trying. WHO IS A MEAN GIRL?
SHE IS ALWAYS ENVIOUS: They are always competing with friends, sisters and cousins for everything, be it clothes, grades or boyfriends. They can go to any extreme to get things they desire and always get things done their way.

SHE DOESN'T APPRECIATE ANYBODY: They refuse to acknowledge the good qualities of others.

SHE IS VERY DOMINATING: She always wants to control everything be it a relationship or any plans. They love to take charge of others. She wants everybody to follow her.

SHE IS MORE LIKE FRENEMY: Mean girls are more like frenemies than friends.They love to backbite and love to gossip too.

SHE IS OVERTLY COMPETITIVE: She is very ambitious and overtly competitive about the way she looks and the way she performs. She thinks she is the best and can go to the extent of back stabbing and dirty politics to achieve what she wants.