Inability to express anger can evoke emotional and physiological problems. Here’s why you should learn to vent your emotions...

DON’T BOTTLE UP YOUR EMOTIONS

Inability to express anger can evoke emotional and physiological problems. Here’s why you should learn to vent your emotions...

    There are people who blow up like a fuse at the drop of a hat and those, who will bite off your head, when they lose their cool. On the other hand, there are people who are unable to express their anger and continue simmering from the inside. And, their alleged visible calm demeanour becomes their weakness.
CASE STUDY Twenty-six-year-old banking executive Niharika Singh has difficulties expressing her anger. As a kid, she was a total brat and during her teens, she was sent to a hostel. “It was then that I started feeling that everyone in my family hated me because of my anger. It took a toll on me, so much so that I became very subdued. As a result, now, expressing anger is something I can’t do. Whether it’s screaming, shouting at someone or even telling someone they are wrong. Even standing up for my own
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rights has become difficult. I wish I could just be vocal about how I feel,” says Niharika
SUPPRESSING THE
ANGER Anger is known to be a common emotion. “However, inability to express common emotion is a personality defect or suggestive of personal characteristic, which usually comes from poor emotional upbringing. Getting angry at the right place, time and the correct way is very important. If you do not get angry then it’s good. But if you get angry and don’t know what is to be done, then it could make your life troublesome,” cautions sexologist and consultant psychiatrist Dr Dhananjay Gambhire.
    And, this inability to express is what we often called suppressed anger, which may lead to passive aggressive behaviour. According to psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr Anjali Chhabria, suppressed anger can have various causes, but is manifested through ignoring, anxiousness, irritability in non-significant situations, silence, need for perfectionism, low selfconfidence, increased selfblame, apologetic behaviour, fear of rejection, etc.
ENVIRONMENTAL
INFLUENCES Our behaviour is highly influenced by our environment since childhood. As parents are the role models for children, their behaviour is very important. Explains Chhabria, “If an individual has always observed and felt comfortable in expressing feelings at home, he/she tends to be less anxious, more secure, more confident and more vocal. But if his/her emotions and feelings have never been given importance and always rejected either by dominance or anger, he/she learns to keep quiet, withdraw and deal with it himself or herself.” In the later case, individuals have either become rebellious and overtly aggressive and some who become fearful and anxious may become passively aggressive, she adds.
WHY EXPRESS
ANGER? Anger is a reaction to a stimulus. For e.g: If you’re unhappy with someone because he/she has wronged you, let the person know that you are angry. Frustration builds out of inability to do anything, which gives way to depression, if you don’t vent your emotions on time, says Dr Gambhire. Not being able to open up can lead to interpersonal conflicts, adjustment issues, being victims to abuse, depression, phobia, anger, substance abuse, hypertension, stress, etc.
    However, one has to remember that being emotional is not wrong, but losing control over one’s emotion can lead to adverse situations, too.
QUICK TIPS Dr Anjali Chhabria suggests the following on effectively expressing anger (without being aggressive or violent):
Be assertive, rather than aggressive. Express what you want in a firm, controlled tone where the other person takes it seriously and understands what you mean.
Take control of your tone and words. Do not shout or scream or raise your hands. The purpose is lost.
    not be impulsive. Let the initial rush of anger pass and then express yourself rather than feeling guilty for what you said or did under the influence of emotions.
Put yourself in the other person’s position, evaluate the situation and then express how you feel.
Hear the person out before reacting.
Go for a run or cardio exercise to release anger.
Relaxation techniques and meditation help gain better control over emotions.

Suppressing anger may lead to passive aggressive behaviour
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Frustration builds out of inability to do anything