TO TRUST OR NOT TO TRUST?
Is the fear of betrayal stopping you from trusting people? If yes, then you’re facing serious trust issues. Read on to know more...
We trust other people in varying degrees, based on our experiences with them. There are those who trust blindly and those who trust others easily, only to be betrayed in more ways than one. On the contrary, we are often warned not to trust strangers. While too much trust is a problem, mistrust, too, poses similar problems. Here’s decoding the trust issue….
Psychologist Mansi Hassan recounts the case of a couple in their mid-30s. They had stopped talking to each other for four to five months. The reason: the husband spoke to one of his colleagues in front of his wife, who presumed he was flirting and lashed out at him physically. In retrospect, the wife realised that she over-reacted. But the damage was already done, creating a crack in the relationship.
WHY SO MUCH SCEPTICISM? In today’s dog-eat-dog world, relying on someone is extremely difficult. However, it is not wrong to doubt people’s intentions to a certain extent. Says consultant psychiatrist Dr Milan Balakrishnan, “It becomes a problem when one finds it difficult to trust every person in his/her life or someone very important like a partner or children. And the cases of most of the patients who are seen in a psychiatrist’s office, revolve around trust issues.”
EARLY START P s ych o l o g i s t s believe that trust or lack of it can develop in childhood itself. The development of a child does go through a phase of trust v/s mistrust. Hence, a secure and emotionally healthy environment is an essential part of a child’s upbringing and personality. Our social learning plays an important part in building trust, which comes from our experiences, opines Hassan. She further adds that sometimes, traumatic experiences can lead to mistrust. Being cheated or betrayed makes one more sceptical about others and their intentions. If a child has seen a father cheating on the mother, he/she may have difficulty trusting the opposite sex.
Apart from childhood experiences, other factors play important roles, too. In the case of a paranoid schizophrenic, it’s the illness and the neuro-chemical deficits that cause him/her to be suspicious and not trust anyone. In a relationship, an individual’s personality can make him/her prone to trust issues. A borderline personality, who tends to see the world and his/her relationships either as “very good” or “very bad”, without any shades of grey, is more prone
to trust issues and multiple failed relationships, says Dr Balakrishnan. Also, low selfesteem can contribute to an inability to trust easily.
DOWNSIDE OF MISTRUST How long can one live in peace, if he/she is cocooned with mistrust? “Not trusting others means it’s difficult to form meaningful relationships. You find yourself lonely, sad, depressed, and your self-esteem is further damaged. Nobody trusts you either and you feel hurt and a vicious circle of not trusting starts. In a relationship, excessive distrust can make life difficult for the partner, pushing him/her into the arms of another,” warns Dr Balakrishnan.
DEALING WITH MISTRUST Psychologist Mansi Hassan shares the following advice: Become aware: One should know if they have trust issues and work on their thought process and actions. Don’t generalise: If one person has betrayed you, it’s unlikely everyone will do the same. It’s not “all black or all white.” Use your past: Use past events to make you a better person and not a negative person. Trust yourself: How others behave with you is not in your hands. But you can always control your actions. Believe in yourself and your decisions. It is a learning process: Good and bad experiences are essential for learning. Take it with a pinch of salt and learn from it rather than changing yourself because of one bad experience. Apprehensions and discussions: If you have apprehensions, discuss it with a neutral person to get a perspective. Unlearn negative experiences: Replace your negative experiences with positive ones. Don’t be judgmental: Don’t judge things based on your opinions. Express expectations: Express your expectations in relationships. Don’t assume the other person to understand everything without any communication.
Don’t judge people based on your opinions
If you do not trust others at all, how will they trust you?
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