Having kids is childplay, being parents isn’t

Having kids is childplay, being parents isn’t

    I can’t understand the rush newly married couples are in, to have children. On multiple levels it’s a sign of insecurity and immaturity, not love. Some sigh and say it’s family pressure, some say they want to “cement” the marriage, and some say they are thrilled that they now have the luxury doing away with the hassle of a condom and pills. I’m astounded!!! Not only is the reasoning absurd but also the fact that by virtue of such logic, the child itself is not important, the reasons for having one are. Fact is that children change your life forever and they should be born because you are emotionally, mentally, physically and financially ready for them and most crucially, because you like children. Do you have the time, the resources and the support structure in place? Have you and your spouse spent enough quality and quantity of time being a couple before a child changes that dynamic forever? Are you ready to make compromises in your career, your spending habits and social life? Because you will resent parenthood, if not! And what is this nonsense of bringing a child into the world as a “fix it” tool? If your relationship is turbulent, unsettled, lacks love and affection, do you really think that having a child will change things for the better? It might pressure you to stay in a marriage you’d rather not be in, and you will resign yourself to ‘fate’ and ‘the journey of life’. But why are you willing to “compromise” your lives and subject your child to loveless, boring family dynamics? Bringing a child onto the planet is a serious commitment and responsibility and it is not about what works for you, it has to be about what’s best for the child from the moment you hear its first cry. 

I am a 18-year-old girl in love with a guy. We’ve been seeing each other for the past two months. But after few days, he panicked because he said that one of his family member got to to know about us and is against our relationship. He is too scared of his family, because of which he does not respond to my attempts to contact him. Should I confront him at his house in front of his family members? You may be crazy about him, but stop acting nuts! Respect is integral to a good relationship and a dignified break-up. Let him panic, let him go. It’s something he has to deal with and stand up to if he wants to change his reality or resign himself to live with his lack of courage. The battle is his to fight, not yours. Don’t pine for a wimp. 

I am in love with someone for the last seven years but he cheated on me and is now married to someone else. A week before his marriage we were still having sex. Now he has warned me not to disclose this information to anyone else. If I do so, he blackmails me that he will circulate my nude pictures and videos. I want revenge from him. What should I do?
I understand your anger, anguish, despair and fears. I completely identify with your desire to seek revenge and right all wrongs. I’d say, change your headspace to achieve the same goal but with a totally different approach. Revenge and the urge to destroy him makes you bad, but to protect yourself and help an unsuspecting wife makes you strong and powerful. You cannot allow yourself to be blackmailed in any manner with all the photos and videos. If you have the courage, I advise you to lodge a police complaint so that the pornographic material will be seized and protected. Don’t do it for revenge. Do it to protect your own dignity and know that by doing so, it will benefit the wife by opening her eyes to her husband’s lack of integrity and character and that she can make life changing decisions for herself before it is too late. 

I am an 18 year-old girl and have a sister who is a year younger to me. My family always tells me that I’m very naive and don’t know anything whereas my sister is very smart. But in reality, I know things better than her and look prettier than my sister. They make these comparisons in public, such as at family functions and while at gatherings with my friends too. This hurts a lot and I end up crying. My mom knows about all this and she consoles me but to no avail. How do I overcome this and how should I change the view of others about me? Quite honestly I always say, actions speak louder than words. I understand it is upsetting because it’s the people that are closest to you that don’t appreciate you, but there’s enough scope for you to prove your mettle. Be it in studies and extracurricular pursuits, today and later through your career, etc. Don’t be upset, just grin and think to yourself what a shock they will get when you end up being the super achiever. Go out there and be the best that you can be. Remember, those that laugh last, laugh best.