How the fast-vanishing custom of sharing a meal goes a long way in strengthening a family’s bond?

The family that eats together…

…stays together, says a new book. How the fast-vanishing custom of sharing a meal goes a long way in strengthening a family’s bond

    WHAT is the last engaging conversation you had at the dinner table? Start thinking, and if it takes you more than 30 seconds to answer, let us do it for you. Dinner and conversations don’t go together anymore. You are tired at the end of the day, trying to gulp down what is on the table so that you can hit the pillow as soon as possible. Your mind is already on the next day’s chores and work deadlines.
 

Love, laughter and leftovers... With our ever-escalating pressures at work and home, finding enough time to sit at the dinner table to share a meal and talk to each other has become an “endangered ritual”, says documentary film producer (Oscar-winning An Inconvenient Truth) and author Laurie David in her recent book The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids, One Meal at a Time. Ruing its demise, the author explains why she felt the need to write a book about it. “So much happens at the table that we aren’t even aware of consciously. It’s the dinner table where we learn our parents’ values, where we practise how to listen to others, what portions to take, how to take turns, etc. It is also the place where we learn about our family history, about our grandparents for example, that may be told to us through stories and anecdotes from their lives.”
    We often find ourselves sharing stories about our family and food or saying “No one cooks pasta as well as my mom” or “dal made by my grandmom is unbeatable”. This is because the taste of food and the love that one feels while sharing a meal during childhood stays with them for a long time.
    But that was then, when life was simple. Today, with the invasion of technology in our lives like the TV, internet and cell phones, the dinner table has almost become a defunct piece of furniture.
 

No shop talk! However, there are a few like businessman Mannoj Mehrra, who feels it is important to sit together for dinner to preserve the sanctity of a marriage and the family. “Since we are busy with our family business, there’s hardly any time we spend together throughout the day. The morning is a rush, afternoons and evenings we are all busy with our own professional lives. We have to make sure we bond over dinner, and our family rule is never to discuss work at the dinner table,” says Mehrra.
    Says Shekhar Verma, a businessman, “I remember enjoying my meals with my family as a kid. But as a teenager, in the usual rebellious phase, I would go out and have pizzas, kebabs with friends and avoid what I then called ‘boring ghar ka khana’. And now (in mid-30s), I crave for the same home-cooked food and the cozy comfort of a family meal that I used to enjoy.”
    The dining table is a consistent place where parents and kids have access to each other. “Frequent family dinners give both parents and kids a chance to be engaged in each other’s lives,” says psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria. “Sharing family meals teaches kids basic table etiquette and culture of the land. It civilises them from an early age.”
    Like food is sustenance for our bodies, mealtimes are sustenance for our family. “Family dinner should be about quality time spent together with no TV blaring, no BlackBerrys to check. Everyone should be present physically and mentally,” says sociologist Nandini Sardesai.
    The rules of the dining table are actually quite simple — everyone comes to the table at the same time; there’s no interruption by the cell phone, TV or other electronic device; everyone eats what’s served; everyone helps with cleaning after dinner; no one leaves until after dessert. 

 
Not just a piece of furniture Interior designer Arfin Zukof, who has been designing custom-made dining tables for Indian families for a few years, says, “Earlier, as a part of tradition, the head of the family would sit at one of the narrow ends of the table. But these days, the trend is bending more towards eating in individual rooms. It’s a routine that should be highly discouraged.”
    He is one among many interior designers trying to bring back the good old culture of dining together, by placing a lot of emphasis on the design aspect of the table. “I emphasise on comfort, and stay away from formal designs while making chairs or the table. I have even made benches, instead of chairs for a few families, so that people can squeeze in, sit nearer to each other and enjoy their meals. The dinner table is never just a piece of furniture,” signs off Zukof.