A new study says that for a woman, not getting along with your mother-in-law is good for your marriage. Experts disagree...

The in-law factor

A new study says that for a woman, not getting along with your mother-in-law is good for your marriage. Experts disagree...

Since time immemorial it has been said that a close relationship with your husband’s mother is the key to a happy marriage. But recently a new school of thought has suggested that this bonding may actually be unhealthy for wedded bliss. Dr Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research studied 373 same-race couples over 26 years to come up with the findings which included that women who enjoy a positive relationship with their in-laws actually have a 20 per cent greater chance of separating. Clinical psychologist Seema Hingoranny vehemently disagrees, saying that this concept may work in the West, where children move out of home at an early age and live independent lives. “In the Indian context, it is crucial to have a good relationship with your in-laws as most Indian men are attached to their families,” she says. A man respects and appreciates his wife more when she does that extra bit to take good care of his parents, she adds. The study also says that marriages in which husbands have a close relationship with in-laws are 20 per cent less likely to end in divorce, as these family ties connect him to his wife. Seema agrees saying that it is a good sign when the husband makes an effort to care for his wife’s parents. This, she also says, is uncommon in India as most men are not conditioned to care beyond necessary for their in-laws, but still expect their wives to go all out for his parents. “Both husband and wife are attached to their respective set of parents, but not many men think about it. When they do realise this fact, it works very well as wives also reciprocate with more care and love for their in-laws,” she explains. While having good chemistry is key, Seema also emphasises the importance of knowing where to draw the line with in-laws. “Most girls know where boundaries are and how to make them clear without upsetting the balance. Many working women leave their children with their in-laws during office hours and when they want an evening out with their spouse. Therefore, in India, good in-law relations can never be done away with,” she concludes.