Are you walking in your elder sister’s shadow?

ARE YOU A HELICOPTER SIBLING?

Overprotective older siblings may make the younger ones less confident and dependent. Read on to know more...

    Is your elder brother always keeping track of your whereabouts? Does your elder sister try to play mommy, every time you step out together? While helicopter parents have always been a matter of concern for the younger generation, helicopter siblings can be equally annoying. Being protective is a natural instinct, but trouble begins when this gives way to overprotectiveness. 

    Picture this: For 17-year-old Sanaya, elder sister Tanya has the last word in her life. Almost eight years her senior, Tanya loves mothering Sanaya and taking all her decisions — from dresses to friends to career plans.
    In Priya’s case, it is her brother Aakash, who is overprotective. Aakash, who is two years older, makes sure none of his friends mess with Priya. He not only follows her to school sometimes, but
also keeps track of all her male friends and her proximity to them. 

AGE GAP IS THE PRIME REASON Mostly, siblings who are older tend to show signs of overprotectiveness. Says psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, “When the age difference is more, older siblings tend to be parental, which comes across as overprotectiveness. They feel responsible for the younger ones and feel the need to help and guide them.”
    Psychologist Seema Hingorany agrees. “Sometimes, loneliness makes a child ask his/ her parents for a sibling. When the second child is born after seven or eight years, the older one takes it up as his/her duty to take care of the newborn, which leads to overprotectiveness in the later years,” she says. 

FAMILY MATTERS Sometimes, the older child feels that his/her parents are not giving enough care to the younger one. “If the parents are aged or pre-occupied with other matters, the elder daughter or son mostly takes their place. Through their affection, they try to compensate,” says clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani, who feels overprotectiveness also comes from anxiety.
    “They become overprotective when they have had a similar experience with their parents. Nowadays, with both parents working, a lot of responsibility falls on the siblings, and some of them become overprotective,” feels Anjali.
    The fear of negative consequences in the outside world leads to insecurities and overprotectiveness. There are instances of elder brothers protecting younger sisters from all other boys. “This is mostly because the brother, being a boy, knows what other boys might think of girls in their growing-up years. He doesn’t want his sister to be treated in the same way,” adds Varkha.
    “Sometimes, teachers ask a sibling, who may be a better student, to take care of the younger one and keep track of his/her academic schedule. This gives the older ones a sense of responsibility,” says Seema. 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN... Sometimes, the older siblings may go all out in being protective. This may make the younger ones overly dependent on them.
    Says Anjali, “The younger sibling may be less independent, less confident and would seek help from the older one even while facing the smallest problem. Some younger siblings also feel pampered and take the older ones for granted. They are sometimes even labelled as ‘spoilt brats’.”
    Overpro-tectiveness can also lead to negative emotions like hatred for the older sibling, breaking away from him/her and even lying or telling halftruths. Some also become rebellious when they feel restricted due to overprotectiveness. 

DEAL WITH IT To not become overprotective, control your anxiety. “Control your emotions and stop being anxious. Let your sibling be more confident and take his/her own decisions,” says Varkha. The younger ones have to understand the older siblings’ emotions. They have to be more understanding, yet not get dependent. While it’s okay to listen to what your elders say, letting them take every decision is not a good choice. Instead, you can take their suggestions while deciding on certain matters.

Are you walking in your elder sister’s shadow?